Everything We Want
by lelema
Summary: A case with a terrible end that will change the life of intelligence, especially Jay Halstead. He struggles with the consequences and his family threatens to fall apart.
1. Prologue

Hello.

I wish you a lot of fun reading the story.

 **Summary**

A case with a terrible end that will change the life of intelligence, especially Jay Halstead. He struggles with the consequences and his family threatens to fall apart.

 **Prologue**

 ** _-Flashback-_**

 _"Hank! You have to get us the money! No matter how!" Erin yelled at him angrily._

 _"You can't raise that much money from one day to the next, Erin," He said calmly._

 _"This is about Zach's life!" Erin cried desperately._

 _"We will find Zach," said Voight._

 _"He is only three years old! Three!" Erin yelled._

 _"Erin, calm down." Jay said._

 _"What? Our child was kidnapped you want me to calm down?" She said angrily_

 _"Stress can lead to a premature birth," Jay said to his pregnant wife._

 _"Then bring our son home!" She hissed._

 _"I have no other plans," Jay said._

 _Their almost four year old son suddenly disappeared yesterday. Erin was with him on the playground and at some point she lost sight of him. Not three hours later, a ransom demand of over $2 million was made. Jay and Erin were completely out of sorts and their patience ending. They just want their little boy back._

 _Now, the intelligence prepared for the money transfer, which takes place in a few hours._

 ** _CPDCPDCPD_**

 _The handover took place in a park. Beneath a park bench, a cell phone rang, and Jay received further demands. Fortunately, his colleagues could follow everything through the hidden camera on his shirt button._

 _He placed the money in the bin on the left of the park bench and his phone displayed GPS coordinates that led him to a parking garage filled with cars. This was where his son was being held._

 _Antonio, Ruzek, Kim, Roman and Atwater hurried to help look for the boy. Even Erin could not sit still and wait, so she searched for her son with her husband. Every minute mattered. Who knows how long the boy had been in the trunk. He had already been missing for 24 hours._

 ** _CPDCPDCPD_**

 _Meanwhile, Voight and Olinsky pursued the perpetrator, who already retrieved the money. At the corner of the next street, they ambushed him. Angrily, Voight pressed his weapon to the perp's forehead._

 _"Where is the boy?" Hank asked angrily and gave a warning punch to the man, resulting in a bloody nose. The man just grinned greasily and laughed at the sergeant. Little did he know he messed with the wrong man - Voight was definitely not in a good mood._

 _"We're going on a trip," Voight hissed and drove the guy straight to the silos._

 ** _CPDCPDCPD_**

 _The team hustled in their search for Zach. They opened many suspicious vehicles, none of them leading to the boy. Antonio and Kevin looked in the boiler room from the parking garage - still no indication. Mouse searched the surveillance footage to see if he could find a vehicle that had been there for a while or the suspect. As he was looking, he saw the suspect paying for his parking pass. It led him right to the vehicle._

 _"Ok, guys," Mouse announced over the radio. "Find a dark blue Opel Astra G. The car is parked on the third floor."_

 _"Jay!" Adam called and pointed to the vehicle. Immediately, Jay hurried there, closely followed by Erin._

 _They forced the trunk open and the sight of their son made their breath hitch. The young parents paused for a moment._

 _Zach was unconscious, arms and legs tied together with a rope. His mouth was taped shut with duct tape._

 _Gently, Jay took his almost four year old son in his arms. He desperately searched for a pulse, but he couldn't find it. Immediately, he began to revive his child while Erin stood rooted by his side, crying._

 _Antonio immediately called for an ambulance, but they were too late. Gabby declared the little boy dead. Zach had been suffocated to death._

 _"No! Zach! Wake up! Zach! "Erin cried desperately and collapsed to the ground, howling. She bent over the dead body of her child and took him firmly in her arms._

 _"I'm so sorry, Zachary. Mommy loves you." Erin whispered, kissing the cold child's forehead. Jay knelt silently beside her and wrapped her in his arms._

 _This bastard will pay for this... He destroyed their future and their dreams of a small family. Nothing was alright. Somehow it seems that the world is turned upside down. The meaning of life has been lost. Their greatest happiness was taken from one minute to the next..._

 ** _-End of the Flashback-_**

Erin startled. It was all just a dream, wasn't it? She saw her snoring husband beside her. Her eyes fell to the picture on the nightstand.

It showed a small 4-year-old boy who was smiling in her arms. Exhausted, she let herself sink into her pillow...

A few moments later she heard little feet already drifting across the floor, and only a few moments later the girl scurried into the middle of the bed.

"Hey Zoey. Honey, are you alright?" Erin whispered softly, hugging her daughter close to her. The young girl nodded tiredly, and shortly thereafter Erin heard the deep breaths of her sleeping child. She watched her peaceful daughter as she kicked her father every minute with her arms or legs.

Jay groaned briefly and opened his eyes a tiny gap.

"Looks like we have a guest," he murmured, pointing to the little sleeping girl in their midst. Erin gently stroked the hair of the little girl and nodded silently.

"Erin? Are you alright?" Jay asked worriedly.

"I-I thought of Zach's kidnapping again," She replied.

"Er. That was 5 years ago. We're fine," Jay mumbled wearily and put his arm around his girls.

"Yeah."

 **CPDCPDCPD**

"Good morning," Jay whispered, kissing his partner. They were close together, arm in arm, cuddling.

"Morning," she smiled. "Our daughter is perfect, isn't she?"

"What can I say? She has my genes," Jay grinned and took a quick hit from Erin.

"Ow," he grinned.

"Watch what you say," Erin laughed.

"Alright. Our genes," Jay corrected himself. At the same moment another small body scurried to their bed.

"Hi cheeky monkey. Did you sleep well?" Erin asked worriedly and pulled her little man into a bear hug.

"Great!" he answered and Erin gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bah. Mum I'm not a toddler anymore," He complained.

"Oh, yes. You will forever be my little boy," she said worriedly and hugged him closer.

"Our little boy," Jay corrected her.

"Are you alright, Mum?" He asked

"Yes. Um. I just had a bad dream, I guess," Erin answered honestly. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm just happy that you're okay."

"You know, Mommy sometimes has bad dreams where we didn't find you in time," Jay explained.

"But you guys did. Daddy took me home, Mummy."

"And I'm very grateful to Daddy for that," Erin said, leaning for a kiss to Jay.

 ** _-Flashback 5 years ago-_**

 _The team, minus Erin, forced the trunk open and the sight of the young boy made their breath hitch._

 _Zach lay in the trunk, arms and legs tied together with a rope. His mouth was taped shut with duct tape. Gently, Jay took his 4 year old son into his arms._

 _"Hey Buddy. You are safe now. I'll remove the tape, okay?" Jay said and Zach nodded slightly. Zach cried and more tears rolled down his cheeks. Antonio cut the rope so the little one could move._

 _"Daddy!" Zach howled, tightening his grip on his dad._

 _"Daddy is here, buddy. It's over. Everything will be alright," Jay whispered._

 _They were driven home by Roman and Burgess, where Erin was eagerly awaiting their return._

 _"MOMMY!" Zach shrieked and hugged his mother tightly. Erin knelt on the floor and stretched out his arms for her little boy. "Zach. I was very worried about you. I'll never never let you go again." Erin whispered._

 _Jay squatted with his family and took both Erin and his boy in his arms._

 _"You were very brave, Zachary," Jay said, stroking Zach's back._

 _"Mommy and Daddy love you very much," Erin said, kissing his little forehead._

 _"I love you too," he whispered._

 ** _-End of the Flashback-_**

"Bah, do you have to do that when I lie between you guys?" Zach asked.

"Sorry, we love each other," Jay smiled.

"Still, you don't need to be gross," Zach said and the two laughed.

Slowly, the small sleeping body stretched and stretched.

"Mommy," She yawned, "I'm hungry."

"One thing is clear, at least. They get this constant urge for food from you," Erin laughed.

"Just not the taste buds," Jay muttered and took another quick hit from Erin.

"OK. Daddy is baking pancakes and we're getting dressed," Erin said.

A little while later, they sat together at the breakfast table. They chatted and joked, as they did every morning.

"How about if we go shopping today?" Erin asked.

"Oh no," Zach said.

"Zoey needs new clothes. The old ones have become too small for her," Erin explained.

"Then go with Zoey," Zach offered.

"Alright, then I guess you don't want to get any ice cream afterwards."

"That's extortion."

"Come on Zach. It's going to be fun," Jay said, even though he was not a big fan of shopping himself. However, he was able to spend time with his family, and that was all that mattered to him.

Later on, they walked together along the road. Zoey and Zach hopped playfully over the floorboards of the sidewalk. At the sight of the kids, Jay and Erin laughed. They really had the two most adorable children.

"Zach! Zoey! Do not run so far!" Jay warned, as the children were almost out of sight. Since Zach's kidnapping the parents have become very vigilant. Especially in the first few months, they almost never let Zach or Baby Zoey out of their sight. Since then, they have become more relaxed, but nevertheless they are admittedly overprotective.

"Then walk faster!" Zach, who was almost on the main street with Zoey, shouted back at his parents.

"Zoey!" Erin shouted. In the last second she hurried and grabbed the hand of her 4 year old daughter, who would have otherwise run directly into the street.

"Honey. You cannot just walk across a street like this. Look, the pedestrian lights glow red. That means we have to wait until she turns green," Erin explained.

"Is it green now?" Zoey asked impatiently.

"It will be green soon." Erin said, "You see, now we can go."

As soon as Erin spoke out Zoey wanted to run again, but Jay grabbed her other hand in time.

"You can stay between Mommy and me," Jay told her.

"But why?" She asked.

"Because Chicago is a big city and you can easily get lost," Jay said.

"But we were allowed to pre-run."

"We weren't on a busy road and there were no cars. Look at how many cars there are now, sweetie. Not everyone stops when we walk across the street," Jay explained.

"Okay," Zoey resigned, reaching for her mother's hand again.

"Can you pull me up?" She asked.

"Of course." Erin grinned. She counted to three and then they pulled up her giggling daughter.

 **CPDCPDCPD**

In the shopping center the family separated because the father and son duo no longer wished to chase after Erin and Zoey. They went on their own adventure while the ladies continued on their shopping spree.

"Do you like this sweater?" Erin asked, holding up a pink one

"Nah," Zoey answered.

"How about this sweater?" Erin asked, holding up a dark red with gray stars.

"Nah," Zoey answered again.

Erin took a deep breath. They searched stand after stand, but nothing pleased Zoey. Erin always thought that Zach was exhausting to shop for, but Zoey was far worse. After all, you could get Zach just about anything, because he wears everything that is green, blue, black or gray.

"This one, Mommy! I want this one!" Zoey cheered, holding up a dark blue pink Paw Patrol sweatshirt.

Erin raised her eyebrow slightly. On the shirt a dog's head was shown with aviator glasses.

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Yeah, because that's Skye," Zoey explained.

"All right," Erin muttered. After all, she didn't care. As long as her Zoey finally found something she liked, Erin was satisfied.

Meanwhile, Jay and Zach were having fun in the toy department. Like little children, they had to try everything.

"Can I get that?" Zach asked with a dog-look and pointed to a Lego Minecraft set.

"Put it on your wishlist," Jay said.

"Christmas is in seven weeks! If Mum can buy new clothes for Zoey, why can't you buy me a new toy?" Zach argued.

"Because if Mum didn't buy Zoey clothes, she would have none. You can live without a toy for seven weeks," Jay reasoned.

"Please, daddy. Please, please, please," Zach begged with a pout.

"Did you even look at the price?"

"But, but, but Daddy," Zach begged. "I'm always behaved."

"That trick would have worked if you were little."

"You said only this morning that I am your little boy."

"Yes, but that was a figure of speech."

"Please. Daddy. Please. Zoey's clothes definitely cost as much as, if not more than, the Lego set."

"Alright, but then stop with the puppy dog eyes," Jay gave in, smirking.

"Okay," Zach grinned.

After they made their purchase, they met the two female Halsteads at the ice cream parlor. The kids ordered a chocolate cup, while Jay and Erin just preferred a coffee.

 **CPDCPDCPD**

In the late afternoon, Zoey persuaded her brother to play Paw Patrol with her. Zach played the leader and Zoey played her favorite dog Skye. Zoey's loft bed with the slide represented the headquarters. The missions, however, were distributed throughout the house. The two were about to invade the living room - they had to save the Nintendo DS, which had been taken away days before because they spent too much time on it.

"What is this?" Jay asked, entering the room

"Um ..." both desperately tried to come up with an excuse, but failed.

"You can give me that Nintendo DS, now," Jay said, holding out his hand.

Both children looked at each other and exchanged facial expressions and gestures. Zach and Zoey grabbed the sofa cushions to arm themselves against their dad.

"Oh. You want to fight?" Erin asked, who came in now.

The two nodded enthusiastically and threw a pillow at their parents, who smiled. Shortly thereafter, the chaos erupted, parents against children. Erin and Zach fought each other with pillows. Jay picked up the little girl and started a tickle attack. Zoey laughed and begged her dad to stop. Erin could not help but hurried to help her little girl. She threw her husband off with a pillow and released Zoey. Zach noticed the change and now helped his dad. Now, it was father and son against mother and daughter. Jay and his son sought shelter behind the sofa, as Zach fetched a nerf gun and Erin then took the other. Erin and Zoey sought shelter behind the opposite couch. Nerf darts flew everywhere.

After almost 2 hours of ruckus, three of them lay exhausted on the sofa - Jay, Zach and Erin. Zoey lay across the three.

"Oh God. I'm k.o. "Erin muttered.

"Not only you." Jay said.

"Why must our children be so full of energy?" Erin asked, stroking the sleeping Zoey over her back.

"Can we still get revenge?" Zach asked and Erin groaned. She loves spending time with their kids, but right now she really did not have any power anymore.

"Can we move the rematch to another day?" Jay asked, who was in a similar state as Erin.

"OK. Can we watch a movie? And can someone bring me food and drink, please?"

"Anything else?" Jay asked.

"Yes, a dog would be nice."

"Um. I'll bring something to eat." Jay said, returning a little later with enough drink and mini pizzas for everyone.

"So what do we want to watch?" Erin asked and tapped through Amazon.

"Diary of a Wimpy Kid," Zach said.

"Paw Patrol," Zoey muttered sleepily and straightened from the lying position. She sat on Erin's lap and rested her head on her shoulder.

"No. Not again," Zach complained.

"How about Zoomania?" Erin asked.

"Yes, anything other than Paw Patrol." Zach said.

"No. Mommy, I want to see Paw Patrol," Zoey sniffled.

"Honey. You already know the series in and out," Erin comforted.

"Paw Patrol!" Zoey cried.

"Tonight Zach decides and tomorrow you can choose a movie, okay?" Jay tried to reason with his tired daughter.

"No!" She insisted.

"Zoey. Either you watch the movie with us or you can go to bed right away," Erin said sternly. Lately Zoey always tried to get her way. At first they gave in, but by now the cuteness of the child no longer counted. They had seen every episode at least one hundred times.

"Only if you come with me," she said, wiping away her light tears.

"Honey, I would like to stay here with Daddy and Zach. The movie is supposed to be funny, huh?"

"Okay, but only if I'm allowed to sleep with you."

"Okay, but only tonight." Erin said and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

 **CPDCPD**

In the next chapter, the story starts.

I'm really looking forward to reviews. Let me know your opinions and ideas!

How do you like the prologue?

Bye lelema


	2. Chapter 1

Hi!

Now the story starts. I hope you enjoy it. I'm always open to new ideas. :-)

 **CPDCPDCPD**

 **The fraction of a second can change everything. After that, seconds and minutes become eternal...**

Early Wednesday morning, Intelligence was in position. They had been dealing with a drug case for a long time now. An informant from Antonio gave them the hint. It was a case where drugs that promised better academic performance were distributed directly to pupils in middle school or high school. 7 students between the ages of 13 and 17 had already died. Other students were currently admitted to Chicago Med. The case came very close to many of them. Antonio's son was exactly the same age. Kevin, whose younger siblings also went to one of the affected schools, also took the case very seriously. Today they could finally complete the case.

"Halstead, Lindsay, Dawson, you enter from the back. Burgess and Olinsky, you get ready for a possible chase." Voight's husky voice rang through the radios.

The older man looked at the remaining members of his team, Atwater and Ruzek, who were standing next to him. Voight nodded. "Enter!" he said into the radio. Atwater stepped in front of the door and broke through with a powerful kick.

"Chicago PD!" Kevin shouted and entered the house armed. Voight entered the house behind him and immediately looked around. A couple of seconds later another door broke open. Halstead's voice sounded, "Chicago PD!"

"Stairs!" said Erin.

"You and Halstead go up Lindsay!" Voight said and continued searching the ground floor with the others.

Carefully, Jay went up the stairs step by step. Arriving at the last step, he checked to see if the coast was clear. Erin stood close behind him. Suddenly gunshots sounded. Jay and Erin ducked and sought protection behind the opposite wall. They saw an injured young woman laying in the middle of the field of fire. Jay called out for backup over the radio meanwhile backing up Erin as she was trying to bring the woman to cover. The shooter was not in sight, but then another single shot sounded...

"ERIN!" Jay yelled. Immediately he left his cover and hurried to his partner, who sank slowly to the ground. Blood poured out of her neck. She gasped for breath and her eyes felt heavy. Tears slowly stained her cheeks. Tears full of pain. He knelt in front of her and squeezed the bloody wound with his hand, putting as much pressure on the wound as he could.

„George 50-21 Officer shot! We need an ambulance to our last location!" he yelled in his radio, "Offender is on the run!"

Desperately he tried to stop the bleeding, "Erin - stay with me. Do you hear me? Stay awake. Help is on the way."

"Jay?" She whispered barely audible.

"I'm here, Erin." His voice trembled, "I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered weakly, "Promise me you'll take care of our children."

"No! Erin! We'll both take care of them. We will grow old together, do you hear?"

„Jay, please."

"I promise you." Jay said shakily, "Stay awake, Erin. Look at me! You will live. Help is coming."

Meanwhile, Burgess and Olinsky pursued the fugitive offender who fled across the rooftops. Ruzek and Atwater ran after him on foot. After a long hunt, they lost him. Watchful and ready to fire, Ruzek and Atwater explored the deserted area. Nothing. No human in sight. They looked for possible hiding places, behind or in a dumpster or empty houses. Nothing. A little exhausted, they returned to the scene where an ambulance just drove off sirens blazing. Antonio leaned against his car. His head was heavy in his hands, his expression blank. "Please tell me you got that bastard." Antonio said in a slightly shaky voice.

Ruzek and Kevin shook their heads.

"Give out an APB," muttered Olinsky, joining them.

A little later Voight and Halstead came. Their faces frozen. Jay and Voight tried to suppress the tears.

"Where is he?" Voight hissed angrily, clenching his hands into fists.

Jay stood rooted to the side of the sergeant. He was covered with blood from his partner, wife and mother of his children. Impassive, he just stared into the distance.

"He escaped," Kevin admitted meekly.

"Escaped? Are you kidding me! Nobody leaves until we have that bastard!" Voight hissed angrily.


	3. Chapter 2

**It can be damn hard to do the right thing ... especially if that means leaving the person you love without saying goodbye...**

 ** _-Flashback-_**

 _"I promise you." Jay said shakily, "Stay awake, Erin. Look at me! You will live. Help is coming."_

 _Her eyes closed. Her breathing stopped. Her heart beat for the last time._

 _"Erin." he whispered, gently stroking her face, "I love you. I will always love you."_

 _A lonely tear ran down the detective's cheek. He pressed his lips to Erin's for a last kiss._

 _„_ _Halste-!" Voight shouted and stopped abruptly. Head to head, Jay was kneeling_

 _beside Erin. "No, Erin!" Voight shouted, approaching them._

 _The paramedics hurried over. Gabby knelt down next to Erin and started to examination. "No pulse. No breathing. Brett. We need the defibrillator fast!" Gabby said hurriedly._ _She and Brett were probably the only ones who kept a cool head._

 _"Jay, please move. You have to let us do our work." Brett told him as she knelt down next to him to place the pads on Erin's chest._

 _In the meantime, Gabby dressed the bloody wound and then ventilated Erin using the Ambu bag. They did their job as professionally as always. They did the best they could, but Gabby eventually shook her head. The injury was too heavy because her carotid artery was hit. There was too much blood loss._

 _"Time of death - 11:32 am." Gabby whispered._

 ** _-End of the Flashback-_**

Three hours. Erin had been dead for three hours. Meanwhile, Jay had changed his clothes and the hot shower had washed away the blood of Erin, his partner, wife and mother of his children.

He braced his hands on the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He trembled all over, pinching his eyes shut in vain, trying to suppress the tears from streaming down his face. His face was marked by fear and sadness. The shock was deep. Images and voices echoed through his head. They were blurry and empty. He just could not believe it. His great love was gone forever. He would never see her smile again. She would never forbid him to drive anymore. Never again would he wake up beside his wife. He couldn't live without Erin...

The moment he entered the bullpen his colleagues stopped their conversations and stared at him.

"Jay. I'm so terribly sorry." Kim cried, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Thanks Kim. You can let me go now." Jay said softly.

"How far are we with the shooter?" Voight grumbled.

"No new hints." Al replied.

"Then get me the hints!" Voigt hissed angrily, "Halstead. What are you doing here? Go home."

"With all due respect, Sarge. But the murderer of my wife runs around freely. I want to help."

"I know you do, but you're going home now!" Voight almost shouted.

"Sarge, I cannot sit around and wait for the bastard..." Jay tried to explain, but he was interrupted by Voight, "That's an order, Halstead!"

"Jay. Go home. I'll keep you up to date. You should be with the kids now." Antonio said.

Angrily, Jay grabbed his jacket, went to the car and drove home. He parked in front of the house. Leaning back in his seat. He ran his hands helplessly through his hair. He thought about what had happened and how he should tell the children. He closed his eyes and let his emotions run wild.

* * *

"Daaaaaddyyyy!" Zoey was happy and rushed to Jay, who just came home to relieve the nanny. He squatted down to her height and took her firmly in his arms. "Hey honey." Jay whispered and then stood up and carried his daughter into his son's room while she told him all about her day. She really could talk like a mile a minute. His son was sitting on the ground, building his Lego world. Sometimes you almost couldn't enter the room if he was building so diligently.

"Hi Dad." he said.

"Um. Zach. Zoey. I have something to tell you." Jay said shakily, sitting on the bed with Zoey in his arms. Zoey rested her head on Jay's chest and clung tightly to him. His hands were shaking and his heart was pounding faster.

"What?" Zach asked, staring into his father's flushed eyes. Only now did he realize that his father was fighting back tears.

"Dad, what happened?" Zach asked anxiously, realizing that only his dad had come home. "Where is Mum?"

"You know, Mommy's ... we got into a shootout this morning and..." Jay faltered. How was he supposed to tell them? How could he find the right words? There were no right words to tell his kids that their mum would not come back. He took a deep breath, "Mommy was shot. She is... she died."

Shaken, Zach looked at his dad. He tried to process the words. Slowly he got up and snuggled up to Jay. Tears streamed down his face and Jay gently stroked his back. Zach felt a tightness in his chest, as if someone was pushing all the air out. He gasped in panic. Jay felt his son's violent breaths and hugged him tightly.

"But Mommy is coming back, right?" Zoey asked irritated.

"No honey, mommy is not coming back." Jay replied gently.

"Why not? Does not she love us anymore?" Zoey asked and started to cry "I want my Mommy!"

" Honey, of course she loves us."

"But why is Mommy dead?"

"You know mom and I are chasing the bad guys, right?" Jay asked softly.

"So they do not hurt us and we can live safely." Zoey replied.

"Exactly and a bad man hurt mommy very much. So much that mommy died."

"Why is Mommy not going to Uncle Will? He also helped me when I hurt myself by playing."

"Honey. When you're dead, you stop breathing and your heart stops beating. There's nothing you can do about that."

For a while they were silent. You could only hear the crying.

"Did mum die right away?" Zach asked.

Jay took a deep breath, "No."

"So she was hurting?"

Jay swallowed hard. He didn't know what to say, "She loves you both so very much." and gave each of them a kiss on the forehead.

The three of them sat on the bed and tried to digest the shocking message. A few hours ago family life was normal and now someone was missing. Jay felt the heavy crying of Zach subsiding. The boy had fallen asleep at his side. Even Zoey, who did not understand why Mommy wouldn't come back, was fast asleep in his arms. Carefully, he put the two down in Zach's bed and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He looked at his kids - Erin's kids.

Suddenly Jay's phone rang. It was Antonio, telling Jay to find the bastard. If he wanted revenge, this was the opportunity. Jay didn't hesitate long and started to get up when his son's hand held him back.

"Dad. Please stay with us." he sniffed. He was awoken by the phone call.

"I'll be right back." Jay said, but the boy's grip tightened.

"Please. I don't want to be alone. Daddy, please do not leave us." he pleaded.

Jay looked into his son's teary blue eyes. As much as he wanted revenge and justice, he could not leave his kids behind. Not when they needed him the most. He also knew that Hank Voight and his team would get the shooter...

"Okay. I'll stay here." Jay whispered, lightly ruffling his boy's hair. He slid closer to the wall, giving Jay the opportunity to lie down next to him. He wrapped his arms around his children, pulling his little girl closer smelling his daughter's strawberry shampoo.

* * *

Meanwhile, the team gathered around Hank Voight in front of an apartment block, where the fugitive offender had sought protection, according to CI statements and surveillance records.

"All means are allowed." Voight hissed aggressively, causing a vein to swell on his forehead. The anger throbbed in him. A few moments later Kevin entered the apartment of the offender's girlfriend. "Chicago PD!" Kevin shouted. They drew their guns and rattled off, room by room. Shots sounded and a woman screamed. The offender held his girlfriend as a hostage in front of him.

But that didn't stop the angry sergeant from firing. The sergeant walked up behind the offender unnoticed and shot him straight in the shoulder, causing him to let his girlfriend go. Ruzek and Atwater took care of her while Hank pushed the man to the ground. He held the gun to the man's forehead.

"You bastards killed an officer. She was my foster daughter and a mother of two children." Hank hissed angrily, grinding his teeth. The man was not very interested in what Voight told him.

Hank grabbed the offender by the collar angrily and threw him against the wall. He shot him straight into the other shoulder. Voight would love to kill this guy by himself or at least cause severe pain, but he also knew Erin would not have wanted it. He knew that Erin detested his methods. So he settled for knowing that this bastard would be locked up for life in a high security prison. Voight would make his life hell there. No one messed with his family.

* * *

 **Hope you like it. I would be happy to get some feedback or suggestions.**


	4. Chapter 3

I hope you all enjoy it. Will Jay manage to raise 2 children by himself? Your thoughts?

* * *

 **It does not matter when you lose a person. It's always too early and it still hurt.**

It was cold in Chicago. Dark and gray, as was usual at the end of November. Rain and fog took turns; the sun hung as a dull spot in the sky. A light autumn wind blew.  
The pastor spoke the final words. Family, relatives, friends and colleagues gathered at the coffin. The family stepped forward, silently placing the flower wreath in the grave and standing slightly on the side. The rest now stepped forward and did the same. Then they expressed their condolences to the family again. Jay tried valiantly to hide his tears, to act strong for his kids. Zach remained silent next to him. Not a single tear rolled down his cheek. He just stayed motionless, watching the last moments. Zoey, on the other hand, clung to her brother, tears streaming down her face. Never would the two of them have thought it possible to grow up without their mother.

"I'm so sorry." Kim whispered and took the two kids in her arms, "We're here for you kids."  
Antonio, Olinsky, Ruzek, Atwater and Platt did the same. Will and Natalie also approached the children. Both of them hugged them and promised to be there for them.

"Halstead. If you need help or rest for a few days, I can take the kids for you." Voight said. Halstead shook of his head. The children gave him a bit of comfort. He didn't want to send them away at the earliest opportunity. They had to somehow manage together through the difficult time.

After the funeral, the closest circle of friends gathered together in Voight's house. There was a small funeral service with cake, coffee and hot chocolate for the kids. Some colleagues of CPD, Firehouse 51 and Med came over. Thank God Bunny did not show up, neither at the funeral nor at the funeral service.  
Halstead was surrounded by his colleagues and his brother, while the two children had withdrawn themselves from the crowd. They sat on a small wall in the back of the garden. They did not talk or play, they just kept silent.

"How are they?" Atwater asked, watching them from a distance.

"How should the kids feel?" Jay asked.

"Both of them need time, as do all of us." Antonio said.

Silently, Jay listened to the conversations of his friends and colleagues. They remembered the fun and beautiful moments back with Erin.

"Why were you never allowed to drive the car?" Kevin asked.

"I once forgot to put the handbrake on." Jay smiled lightly. Erin immediately took the car keys from him. She made it clear to him that women were clearly the better drivers.

"You really had a harmonious bond." Kim enthused.

"Do you remember the Taser training?" Ruzek asked. They laughed lightly.

* * *

At home, the three of them lay in the big bed. Zoey did not want to sleep alone and Zach just wanted to feel his father's closeness.

"Dad. What happens after death?" Zach asked, who had been puzzling for a long time.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know. I think you come to a road that is a kind of ski jump. From there you go to heaven. In the sky it is completely white and foggy. Otherwise it looks just like on earth. However, there are no corners; everything is very round and soft. And humans and animals have wings and can fly around. Everyone is very happy and there is no hostility- not even between the animals."  
"That's a nice idea." Jay said.

"Will we really never see mommy again?" Zoey asked.

Jay nodded and added, "Your mum will always be in your heart."

"Do you die too?" Zoey asked shakily.

Jay swallowed hard, "Everyone can die. Animals, plants, you, Zach and me."

"But why?"

"That's part of life." Jay said, briefly considering, "Look at a tree. The leaves grow in the spring, become colorful in the fall and then fall off and then new leaves follow."

"And you're really sure that mommy will never come back because the leaves are coming back in the spring, too." Zoey said hopefully.

"Yes I am sure. Honey, the leaves in spring are not the same ones that fall down in the fall. They are, so to speak, babies that develop, grow older, and then fall down one day." Jay said.

"I want my mommy." she cried and Jay pulled her into his arms. He gave her a gentle kiss and stroked her back.

"I know," Jay whispered, "but that's not possible. But we will remember mommy. She will always accompany us, even if we cannot see her anymore."

"I want Mommy!" she howled.

"Do you remember Zoey, when we surprised mommy on Mother's Day?" Zach asked.  
"Oh yeah. That was great." Zoey sniffed and wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her pajamas. Together, they remembered the beautiful time back.

 ** _-Flashback-  
_** _The sun was wonderfully warm this Sunday. Secretly, Zach and Zoey had prepared a picnic basket full of delicacies as an extra Mother's Day gift: ham and cheese sandwiches and a delicious apple pie from Grandpa Hank.  
Full of anticipation, the siblings rushed to the terrace, where the parents had made themselves comfortable on deck chairs. _

_"Do you fancy a bike ride?" Zach asked. "With a great surprise," Zoey added._

 _"Oh no." Erin shook her head. "It's so cozy here in the sun. Today I would just like to do nothing and rest." Jay nodded. "Last week was very stressful."_

 _"But it's Mother's Day!" Zach and Zoey exclaimed._

 _Erin struggled and closed her eyes. "I like to celebrate here in a deck chair honey."_

 _Jay looked at the siblings warningly. "At least today you kids could treat us with some peace and quiet."_

 _"Play together for a while." Erin suggested, "It would be a huge pleasure for me."_

 _"And we have our rest." Jay grinned._

 _Zach grabbed his sister's arm and pulled her into the house.  
"Let's give mommy a rest day." Zach said. "Maybe they'll wanna go on a picnic later."_

 _They played all over the house and in the front yard, while Jay and Erin allowed themselves rest behind the house._

 _"They always want to rest," complained Zoey. "They're boring."_

 _"Then we steal a little of their time." Zach grinned._

 _"How?"_

 _Zach and Zoey dropped unto the grass in the front yard. "I'm sure I'll come up with something."_

 _"Hello kids!" the new neighbor from across the street waved, "Are your parents' home?"_

 _Zach and Zoey were startled. The Brownings. Last weekend they came over on an unwelcome visit to introduce themselves. That was definitely enough._

 _"Will you tell your parents that we'll drop by in half an hour with a bottle or two of sparkling wine?" Mrs. Browning beamed, "We'll be having a nice Sunday on your terrace like last weekend. That was nice, right?"_

 _Shocked, the siblings looked at the noisy new neighbors. Last weekend was horror._

 _"See you later," Mrs. Browning said. Speechless, the siblings watched as the Brownings disappeared into the house. After that, they raced to the terrace behind the house with lightning speed._

 _"Mom! Dad! We have a problem!" Zach exclaimed excitedly, "The Brownings want to visit us!"_

 _Erin jumped up, "The Brownings? When? How? Why?"_

 _"Not again!" Jay moaned and straightened up, "Do you still want a bike ride?"_

 _"Yeah!" the siblings shouted simultaneously._

 _"Let's go!" Erin said. In no time, they got ready and cycled comfortably to a beautiful park out of Chicago._

 _It was a great, happy family day with a delicious picnic surprise. The four of them sat together on the picnic blanket._

 _"Where did you get the delicious cake from?" Jay asked curiously._

 _"Grandpa Hank baked it." Zoey replied._

 _"Hank can bake?" Jay wondered._

 _"He can do so many things you cannot." Erin grinned._

 _"Hey! At least I can bake better pancakes." Jay laughed._

 _"You just picture that." Erin smiled, "This was my best Mother's Day. You two really are amazing. I love you kids."_

 _"We love you too mommy." both grinned and hugged their mum._

 _"And me?" Jay said, "Doesn't daddy get a hug?"_

 _"Today is Mother's Day, Daddy. It's your turn on Father's Day." Zoey grinned._

 _"Tough words for a four year old lady." Jay laughed._

 _"I'm not that mean." Zach grinned and gave his dad a hug as well._

 _"We men have to stick together." Jay grinned._

 _"Can we play soccer?" Zach asked._

 _"Yeah buddy." Jay replied.  
"You don't stand a chance against us." Erin said, putting her hand on her daughter's small shoulder._

 _"Oh yeah? We want to see that." Jay said.  
_ _ **-End of the Flashback-**_

"Actually, the Brownings are not that bad." Zoey said, earning shocked faces from her brother and dad.

"Well without their threat, we would not be having a picnic." she explained.

"Yeah. You're right. It was a wonderful day." Jay said.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** I know it is not Christmas anymore but when I got the idea it was still Christmas. I think this chapter shows how sad they are and how much they wish Erin back. I hope you enjoy it! You are welcome to make suggestions and ideas. How do you like the story so far? Thanks for the reviews. I'm looking forward to more ;)

* * *

Silently, the snowflakes fell out of the clouds and tumbled to the ground. It was a happy dance of crystals that enveloped the world under a soft, white blanket. So peaceful and quiet.

Zoey flattened her stubby nose against the living room window and watched the falling flakes. Last year, when the first snow fell, she had sat here too. Together with mommy. They laughed, pointed to individual snowflakes, and imagined what they would sing or shout on their journey to Earth. As Zoey closed her eyes, she thought she could feel the presence of her mother, hear her laughter, her voice and she could remember the words. For a moment the girl smiled, but then a tear escaped the corner of her eye. At first only a single tear, which were finally followed by more. Mommy. It seemed so long ago. The child's heart ached as she missed her mother so much. Christmas without mommy was simply unimaginable.

Jay went to great lengths to uphold the family tradition. That included baking cookies, decorating the Christmas tree, Christmas Eve at Hank Voight's house, and meeting Will, Natalie and Owen. But it didn't help. The family was no longer complete. It was missing a piece - more precisely Erin was missing.

Zach looked at his presents under the decorated Christmas tree. It felt weird, even wrong. They could not celebrate without mom.

Zoey, who was sitting on the window sill, looked at her presents very critically. "Mommy does not fit in there." she stated. She had wished for Santa Claus to bring her mommy back. To make sure that Santa received her letter, she had written several wish lists to him with the help of Kim. Jay, who got Zoey's order to bring the letters to Santa Claus, read each letter. It almost broke his heart. Each letter was the same…

 _Dear Santa,_

 _I wish my mommy back because I miss her terribly. Daddy misses Mommy too much and has been sad for a long time, as well as Zach. Please dear Santa brings Mommy to us! We want to be happy again. I do not want a baby dog. You can also keep the dollhouse. All we want is Mommy!_

 _With love, Zoey._

"Mom is dead, Zoey. Understand that finally." Zach said annoyed.

"But Santa has brought me everything I want so far." she explained.

"There is n…" Zach started to say when Jay interrupted him," Zoey. Santa Claus cannot bring back dead people. He can fulfill many wishes, but in this case he is powerless."

Zoey thought about that for a moment before she sat between her daddy and brother. She snuggled up to Jay and cried softly, "I miss Mommy."

Jay stroked Zoey's narrow back monotonously. "I know - princess. I miss her too." Jay said softly and pressed a small kiss on her forehead. Silently they watched the big presents under the shining Christmas tree. Beside it on the side table was a picture of Erin blinking at the camera, laughing. A small candle was burning in front of the picture.

 **-Flashback-**

 _Hand in hand, they strolled through the park. Earlier that night, Jay had taken his girlfriend out to dinner in a fancy restaurant. It was her first free night since Baby Zach was born. The last 10 weeks have been sleepless and exhausting._

 _Jay suddenly knelt in front of her and took out the little box with his mother's ring, "Erin, you are the best thing that has happened to me in my life. The first time I saw you, I knew that I wanted to marry you. You are the love of my life. There are so many things I love about you. I want to ask you, Erin Lindsay, will you marry me?"_

 _"Jay. I do not know what to say." Erin looked at him overwhelmed._

 _"Say yes." Jay smiled._

 _"Yes. Of course. Jay I love you." Erin said, moved to tears._

 _"I love you too." Jay said, slipping the ring on her finger and kissing her lips._

 **-End of the Flashback-**

Later Zoey squatted down and tore open her presents. She had phases when she missed her mom a lot, but then she had phases where she was cheerful.

"Do not you want to open your presents?" Jay asked his son.

"To see what you bought? No thanks." Zach muttered.

"You might not believe it, but mom has bought most of your gifts. She always was a very early Christmas shopper."

"Really?" Zach asked excited.

"Yes. Almost all the presents under this tree are from mom." Jay said and took a deep breath, "I know you miss her - we all miss her very much. But try not to let your frustration out on Zoey. She is 4 years old. She doesn't understand it all that well yet."

"Okay, I'll try." Zach said and knelt down next to his sister to unpack the presents. Both were happy with their gifts, but still felt something was missing.

* * *

Today was New Year's Eve and everyone was either celebrating or had come up with something exciting. But Zach and Zoey were pissed off. Their dad had just dropped them off at Grandpa Hank. Aunt Natalie gave birth to a son this morning and there were complications, which is why Jay wanted to support his brother.

Zach and Zoey wanted to cry inrage because this would be the first New Year's Eve without mom and dad.

"It's totally unfair." Zoey moaned, "The baby is more important."

"The baby would sleep through New Year's anyway. But what about us?" Zach scolded.

"Aunt Natalie and Uncle Will really need your dad's support at the hospital. The baby is sick and needs surgery today." Hank explained. "Cheer up. We will have a great New Year's Eve party, huh?"

"Stupid." Zach muttered. "Everyone is celebrating. Only we are bored to death."

"We sit around here completely alone," Zoey said.

"Alone? What about me?" Hank asked offended, "Am I nobody? We can celebrate the New Year in a different and exciting way and some place else entirely."

"How?" Zoey asked curiously.

Hank grinned, "I have an idea. Get an atlas!"

And while Zach fumbled for the book, Hank turned on the computer.

"On the Internet," he said, grinning even more, "we'll find all the places where it will be midnight at different times and the New Year is starting."

Before Zoey and Zach knew it, Grandpa Hank typed away on the keyboard a A picture appeared.

"This is a webcam image of London." Hank said proudly. "It shows you what it's like right now. And you see the clock at the top of the picture? It's 11.40pm. In twenty minutes the New Year begins. Later we will travel to Portugal, then we will see how the people of Brazil celebrate, and then ..."

Zach and Zoey forgot to close their mouths in amazement. How did their grandpa know all this?

Before they could even ask, Hank shouted, "Hurry! We can now welcome the New Year in London!"

"This is so great!" Zach shouted. "This way we celebrate New Year's Eve all day - every time in a different country."

"Right." Hank said, smiling, "We''ll be sitting comfortably at home looking at the real pictures on the webcams." He grinned again and picked up the phone. "And to make sure we don't starve to death, we'll order the biggest pizza of our lives, okay?"

"Alright!" Zach and Zoey shouted. Fascinated, the three of them celebrated New Year's Eve all day long. Each time they would clink glasses of orange juice and shout, "Happy New Year!"

Later that evening, Zach and Zoey lay on the sofa and slept. The whole party tired them out.

Jay came by an hour before midnight. Of course he wants to spend the New Year's Eve with his children.

"Do you want a beer?" Hank asked. Jay nodded and so the elder handed him a bottle. They sat down in the kitchen so they wouldn't disturb the kids. Jay took a piece of the cold pizza.

"How is the baby?" Hank asked curiously.

"Better, but the little man is not out of the woods yet. Will and Nat are completely exhausted."

"Let's hope for the best."

"Your house looks so much better better." Jay chuckled. Everywhere he looked were colorful confetti or streamers.

"We celebrated New Year's Eve." Hank laughed.

"Already?" Jay asked with a grin.

"Yeah. We've been to London, Portugal and Brazil." Hank laughed and pointed at the computer.

"You seem to have had a lot of fun. Another 15 minutes and we're ringing in the new year." Jay grinned and went to the living room. He gently woke up his kids.

"Daddy?" Zoey mumbled wearily, putting her small arms around her daddy's neck.

"Hey honey. We will celebrate the New Year soon ." Jay whispered in her ear.

"Again?" She murmured softly.

"Yes, only this time it's our turn."

"Yeah!" Zoey rejoiced, pulling away from the hug and jumping around on the sofa. Jay smiled slightly sadly. Zoey really looked like a small version of Erin. He would give anything for Erin to be back with them. She was just missing everywhere. Especially for Zoey. At some point, time would come for Zoey to need tips from her mom.

The countdown started. Hank, Jay, Zach and Zoey gathered in the living room. They counted out down the seconds out loud.

"Three, two, one... Happy New Year!" They rejoiced. Jay and Hank patted each other on the shoulder. Jay then pulled his son in for a hug and he hugged his little daughter and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. Hank did the same.

"I have a rocket set." Hank said and got the packaging. Together they went out on the snowy street. The neighbors were already busy shooting the fireworks into the air

"I want to light it." Zach said and took the lighter from Hank hand. Hank taught his grandson how to do it right. Jay watched them. He had Zoey in his arms. They stood a bit to the side because Zoey was a bit scared. She didn't like the rockets and the loud noises, so she covered her ears with her hands.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** Thank you for your reviews! I will try to split the scenes between the kids fairly. (Sometimes it should show how the children deal with the loss. Everything will be cleared up in the following chapters). I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

* * *

 **In the dispute over the truth, the quarrel remains the only truth - Rabindranath Thakur.**

"Hello Zachary. My God. You have grown so much." The blond haired older woman said as he opened the front door. There was so much makeup on her face she looked like she had fallen in a bucket of paint.

Zach looked at the elderly woman in surprise. He recognized her even though they had no contact with her. Only through stories did he know who she was.

"Zach!" Jay called and approached the front door. The moment he recognized Bunny, he hurried.

"Go up to your room." Jay said to his son, who disappeared immediately. Zach hid behind the rungs at the top of the stairs and listened to the conversation.

"What are you doing here?" Jay asked tensely, putting his hands on his hips.

"I wanted to visit my fabulous grandchildren."

"Stop it. You've never been interested in the kids."

"It is never too late."

"Why are you here?", Jay asked.

"You know, Erin was my daughter. I'm entitled to a share.", Bunny replied.

"You are not entitled to anything.", Jay spat out.

"We'll see to that. Do the kids even know who is to blame for Erin's death? That you offered her no backup? Or that Hank Voight didn't want to pay the ransom for your son. You let Erin die Jay!"

"Are you seriously threatening me with this? With feeble-minded guesses?"

"She was good enough for you for having sex and having kids, but otherwise she was a shame... You're glad she's dead."

"You know what, Bunny. Just do not let yourself be seen here anymore." Jay hissed and slammed the door. He took a deep breath and walked to Zoey's room.

"Daddy can you read to me?" she begged, holding up her favorite book.

"Sure." Jay said, sitting down on the pillows beside her.

* * *

At dinner, Zach poked listlessly in the food.

"Everything alright?" Jay asked softly.

Zach just shrugged.

"You know that you can always come to me. No matter what." Jay said.

"Mom was always there for me." Zach mumbled and disappeared into his room. Jay looked at his daughter in surprise.

"I'll go talk to him." Jay mumbled and hurried after his son. Carefully he knocked on his door and opened it slowly.

"Zach?" He asked gently.

"Just leave me alone." He bellowed and turned in bed so that he was facing the wall.

"What's going on with you?" Jay asked.

"What's going on? Mom is dead." he hissed, "And you're to blame."

"Zachary. I'm certainly not to blame." Jay said and took a deep breath "Mom left her cover because an injured young woman was lying in the line of fire and..."

"You let mom die!"he yelled.

"No. No way. I tried to protect mom." Jay said and sat down on the edge of the bed. He gently stroked his son's back.

"You just say that." Zach hissed.

"I loved your mom very much and I will always think of her, but life goes on, Zach. I think mom wants us to be happy again."

"I rather think that mom wanted to live." he muttered.

"Zachary. What Bunny said is not true."

"You don't know that."

"That's why we denied Bunny from the start. You cannot believe this woman. She twists and turns the story, just as she likes it."

"Just like you." Zach muttered.

"Certainly not." Jay said, "Zach. Buddy. Come on look at me."

"Just go. I want to be alone."

"Please Zach."

"Go away!" He screamed angrily as he turned around and stared deep into his dad's eyes.

"You know you can always come to me." Jay said as he left the room.

* * *

A few days later, Intelligence went to Molly's after a time-consuming case. They made small talk and drank a bit.

"Your boy has a very strong punch." Antonio said, "Thanks to Zach, I have a bruise on my upper arm."

"Oh, you poor boy." Burgess grinned.

"I didn't know even 8 year olds are able to defeat you." Adam laughed.

"Jay. What do you say to that?" Kevin asked, laughing.

"He's full of energy right now." Jay said absentmindedly, taking a sip of his beer. Energy was perhaps the wrong expression. Zach was full of rage, anger and hate. It was almost impossible to speak normally with the boy.

"The next time he can train with a punching bag." Antonio winked.

"At least you didn't do anything wrong." Kevin laughed.

"How are the kids? Have you guys weathered the holidays well?" Al asked curiously.

"Yes I think so. Zoey is fine. Every now and then she misses Erin, just like we all do. And Zach, he ... he's trying to deal with it."

"Children have a special way of mourning, or so I read." Kim said.

"And how do you feel?" Al asked.

"I'm good." Jay said.

"And really?"

Jay took a deep breath, "The first few weeks have been difficult, but I'm fine, really."

* * *

"Did you look at the clock?" Jay asked tense as he returned home. His son lay lazily on the sofa with a controller in hand playing Playstation.

"Wait ... it's half past one." Zach said after looking at the clock and continued his game.

"You do realize that you have school in the morning? Where is Hanna, anyway?" Jay said, wondering where the babysitter was.

"Yes. With her boyfriend?" Zach said, as if that were self-evident and the question completely superfluous.

"I don't believe it." Jay mumbled. His eyes went to the TV, as the screen showed a bloody shootout. "Zachary. What kind of game are you playing?"

"GTA." Zach said.

"At what age is that game allowed?"

"Relax. Other kids my age play it too."

"You're not." Jay said, turning off the TV and removing the disc from the drive.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Zach complained.

"You'll get the game back when you reach the right age." Jay said sternly.

"That is so unfair! You can't do that!"

"This game is not appropriate, Zach!"

"What's wrong about that? Jay, I'm almost 9 years old!"

"Stop calling me Jay, I'm still your dad!" Jay got more angry by the minute. For days he had to listen to this.

"Are you really sure?" Zach hissed.

"Yes. I'm damn sure!" Jay said and took a breath, "You will not play this game anymore."

"Why not? You do that in real life, too." Zach hissed.

"Not at all. We ensure the safety of Chicago. We do not drive around and kill people."

"Sure?" Zach doubted.

"You go to bed. Right now!"

* * *

 **It looks like the family is slowly falling apart… your thoughts?**


	7. Chapter 6

"Please? You can't just quit. They are two very nice and good kids… It was just some harmless pranks." Jay tried to explain to the new babysitter he was currently on the phone with. Abruptly she hung up on him. Jay slammed his fist firmly on the tabletop and ran his hand through his hair in despair. His colleagues looked at him questioningly.

"What did they do this time?" Alvin asked curiously.

"Zach probably dumped chili peppers or laxatives into the Nanny's coffee." Ruzek grinned.

"No. I have to disappoint you. This time, he supposedly smeared himself with fake blood and pretended to want to eat his sister." Jay explained, leaning back in his chair, annoyed. Antonio, Kim and Alvin looked at him open mouthed and wide eyed. There was no way those two cute little Halstead kids would do that.

"So that's your understanding of harmless pranks?" Antonio wondered.

"Wow. The boy has a bloody fantasy. Maybe you should ban him from watching TV." Kevin said.

"How many babysitters do they have on their conscience?" Upton asked curiously.

"That's number three." Kim said and Upton looked at her in surprise.

"Sure, keep making fun of it." Jay said annoyed.

"Have you ever considered mourning therapy for the kids?" Antonio asked.

"I don't think they'll be thrilled." Jay replied.

"This is not a permanent solution. The kids chase away every babysitter. Even us." Adam said hinting to his babysitting, when the kids poured salt and chili into his coffee.

"They are a bit difficult at the moment. This phase will soon be over." Jay said.

"I doubt it. The children need help. It seems they can't handle the situation." Upton said.

"I don't need any advice from you. I know what my kids need." Jay said.

"Does your son have time to come back to boxing?" Antonio asked curiously.

"He's not coming to the gym?" Jay asked horrified.

"So much for knowing about your kids." Upton muttered.

"The last few weeks his visits have been very sporadic." Antonio told him.

"He was sick a few weeks ago and ... uh ... school is bothering him." Jay said.

"Okay. I thought he had no desire to be there."

For many of the intelligence members it was inconceivable that Jay came back to work after a break of just 3 days. No wonder the kids kept scaring the babysitters off. They just tried to get their dad's attention.

* * *

Angrily, Jay drove to the house which they had bought before the birth of their second child. Jay entered the house through the front door. The house looked like a garbage dump. Everywhere empty packaging, scraps of food, clothes, school supplies and toys were laying around. Lazily, the two kids lay on the couch and zapped through the television program.

"That was the third babysitter in 4 months!" He shouted.

"Relax. She couldn't do her job anyway." Zach muttered.

"If you have a problem with the babysitter, then talk to me about it. I have to work. My work hours aren't exactly family friendly. She was just helping us out and making sure this house doesn't look like a pigsty." He complained.

"If you say so." Zach muttered disinterested.

"Why are you chasing every sitter away? What's wrong with you two? You guys know you can talk to me. This family only works if we stick together."

"You can see that." Zach said.

"What does this mean?" Jay asked not understanding his son's sentences.

"I've been trying to talk to you for weeks. You're never there!" Zoey screamed suddenly.

"That's not true. I…" Jay said.

"Yes that's true. You never have time! We're not a family anymore!" Zach shouted furiously and disappeared up the stairs to his room.

Zoey silently followed her brother, leaving Jay stupid. The statement of the almost 9 year old hurt, but it was true. Helpless, he sank down on the couch. The living room was a mess. His eyes met the family picture, which stood on the shelf next to the TV. It showed a happy and cheerful family. A daughter who represented the image of her mother and a son who simply came after his father. Zoey was on his arm while Zach stood in front of them, Mom and Dad. Everything was fine during that time. They were a family.

 ** _Flashback_**

 _"The poor kid. He does not have anyone to look after him now." Erin whispered into the darkness, her head resting in the crook of Jay's neck. "He will suffer for years" Erin made allusions to the case, which the team had worked on the day before and looked at her friend thoughtfully._

 _"Sad but true," Jay said softly._

 _Tenderly, she ran her fingertips over Jay's chest. He closed his eyes with pleasure and felt the drowsiness seizing him when Erin brought him back to reality, "Jay?"_

 _"Yes?"_

 _"I have to tell you something."_

 _Halstead opened his eyes, raised his head to look at Erin._

 _He grinned smugly, "Are you married?"_

 _The serious look on Erin's face spoke volumes. Jay immediately noticed that something was wrong._

 _"What is? Come on. Talk to me, Erin" he asked worriedly._

 _She swallowed loudly, avoiding looking her boyfriend in the eye._

 _"I went to the doctor this morning."_

 _"Okay. Why? Is it serious? "Jay asked worriedly._

 _"I guess so."_

 _"Erin, what do you have? What's wrong with you?"_

 _"I ... I am pregnant."_

 _Totally in shock, he looked at his girlfriend._

 _"W-what?" Jay asked in surprise._

 _"We're getting a baby, Jay." Erin smiled. Jay looked at her i completely overwhelmed._

 _"You're sure?"_

 _"See for yourself." Erin said, flicking on the night light and holding out the ultrasound image of their first child._

 _"Are not you happy?" She asked uncertain._

 _"Yeah. That ... that's awesome." he stammered, placing his flat hand on her belly, "I love you Erin and the baby."_

 _"I love you too." Erin whispered and they kissed._

 ** _CPDCPDCPD_**

 _"Hank. We need to talk to you." Erin said and they sat down opposite of him._

 _"What do you want to talk to me about?" He asked curiously._

 _" Um. So. I would like to do desk work." Erin said. Jay had done a lot of persuading that his partner shouldn't be in the field anymore. After all, she should not be in the line of fire while pregnant ._

 _"Why so? You certainly will not be behind adesk." He said._

 _"The next nine months at least. If not longer."_

 _"W-what?" Voight asked stunned._

 _"Jay and me. We're having a baby." Erin smiled._

 _"So that's what you understood by no romances between colleagues, Halstead?" Voight asked._

 _"I thought we would be okay."_

 _"You thought it was okay to make your colleague pregnant?" He asked and Halstead nodded._

 _"_ _I thought you'd be happy, Hank", Erin asked, her voice small._

 _"Of course I'm happy." Voight suddenly beamed, hugging Erin and giving Jay a handshake,_

 _."When's the kid coming?"_

 _"The end of June." Jay said._

 _"Jay. I hope you know what that means. The next few years you are coming around for Thanksgiving." Voight joked._

 _It had been a week since her colleagues and Will heard the news. Everyone, even Voight, was completely freaked out with joy. "Cheers to Lindsay and Halstead!" Everyone who had gathered at Molly's lifted their drink to celebrate the baby news._

 _"I still haven't realized that you, Jay Halstead, will become a father." Mouse shook his head in disbelief and took a sip of his beer, "Do you know what it's going to be?"_

 _Jay rolled his eyes annoyed. Everyone at Intelligence had asked him, because they had made a bet among themselves. "Mouse. Even if I knew, I would not reveal it yet. Apart from that, I don't care. I just want a healthy kid."_

 _Burgess was immensely busy planning a baby shower for Erin while Antonio shared the knowledge he had collected as a father of two children over the years with Jay. Meanwhile, Voight had turned into a caring father, showing Erin everything she'd never known before._

 _"Halstead! A word." Voight grumbled, "I'm really happy for you and Erin and I'll support you, no matter how it works out between the two of you. But I want you to be a responsible father for this kid and a good one too. No matter what happens."_

 _"Always Sarge. You have my word. I love Erin and the child."_

 ** _CPDCPDCPD_**

 _The months until birth dragged on. On the parents' checklist was a pregnancy preparation course, as well as setting up the baby room and shop for baby clothes. Finally it was time. The baby came only 2 days early._

 _Jay held Erin's hand while Natalie proudly reported seeing the baby's head. After another contraction, the first cries of the newborn were heard._

 _"Congratulation. You have a little boy." Natalie congratulated. Jay was allowed to cut the umbilical cord and briefly see the baby before he was carried away by the doctor for the first examination. Erin and Jay, beamed with joy._

 _"So it's about time you met Mommy and Daddy." Natalie smiled and passed the little man to Erin, who was lying in bed. He was dressed in a blue baby suit._

 _"He's healthy and well." Natalie smiled before leaving the small family alone._

 _Fascinated, Erin and Jay looked at their little boy. He was so tiny. Gently, Jay lay down beside Erin on the bed. Their boy lay peacefully on her chest and slept._

 _Will and the intelligence came by early in the morning._

 _"May we introduce to you our little son, Zachary Jayden Halstead." Erin smiled, holding her baby proudly in her arms._

 _"Aw. Zachary is so cute." Kim raved,"I want a baby, too."_

 _"That shouldn't be a problem." Adam grinned._

 _They marveled at the little man and discussed who had won the bets._

 _Adam, Antonio and Voight had guessed the sex correctly. Kim, Mouse and Al had guessed the surname. Platt had been right with an earlier delivery date. Only Atwater didn't win anything and nobody guessed the first name right._

 _"That's unfair. Platt only bet yesterday." Atwater complained._

 _"I just had the right feeling." Platt said._

 _"Yes, after the phone call that Erin was in labor." Atwater bucked._

 _"Now stop bitching around. Atwater. You're not a kid anymore." Platt said._

 _"I just mean it's unfair." Atwater muttered._

 _"I hope Zachary doesn't grow up the spitting image of his father." Antonio laughed._

 _"What's that supposed to mean?" Jay complained grinning._

 _"It's bad enough to put up with you, but now there's also a mini-Halstead." He laughed._

 **Flashback**

Later that evening, Jay prepared diner. Even in the fridge he found empty packaging. Silently they sat together through dinner, as so often recently.

"Mommy's plate is missing." Zoey noted and took a knife, fork, spoon, cups and plates to Erin's seat. Jay deliberately had left it out. Too much of the house reminded him of Erin.

"So. Uh. How was school?" Jay asked to interrupt the silence.

"Great! We had... it was okay." Zoey answered after seeing her brother's face.

Of course, Jay hadn't forgotten that Zoey would like to talk about her day, but Zach always stopped her. Zach had a problem with him and Zoey suffered from it.


	8. Chapter 7

"Why should we hang out with him over the weekend? I want to stay at home." Zach complained and crossed his arms.

"For the hundredth time. I'm on a refresher course with some colleagues." Jay said, looking through the rearview mirror and was met with the angry face of his son.

"We are old enough to stay home alone." Zach said.

"Yeah? That's not how I see it." Jay replied annoyed, "Hank is looking forward to seeing you and has some great trips planned. You will surely spend a nice weekend with him." Jay tried to convince his son.

"You're pushing us off to your boss, as if that can be fun."

"Hey! Calm down. He is your grandfather."

"Not biologically."

"Family is more than just DNA. Hank meant a lot to your mom." Jay explained.

* * *

"Hey! There are my favorite grandchildren." Hank rejoiced. Zach almost ran past him annoyed. No hello, no handshake, no eye contact. He always just fled inside the house.

"Grandpa!" Zoey rejoiced and ran to him for a hug.

"At least you're glad to see me." Hank said and gently stroked his only granddaughter's hair.

"Zoey. Are you going to Zach?" Jay said and she nodded.

"Is Zach in a particularly bad mood today?" Voight asked curiously.

"It's almost a permanent condition with him now. He shuts down right away if I want to talk." Jay told him.

"Maybe I have more luck." Voight growled and Jay nodded.

"So what do we want to do?" Hank asked when he saw his grandchildren squatting on the couch.

"Go to the zoo!" Zoey rejoiced, "And to the Children's Museum!"

"Okay. Zach what about you?" he asked curiously.

"Sorry, but the zoo really is not on my favorites list." Zach mumbled and dedicated himself to his Nintendo DS.

"Fine. Then suggest something else."

"Just leave me alone." Zach said.

"Then we will go to the zoo." Hank said and Zoey cheered enthusiastically.

Reluctantly, Zach stomped behind them. He really didn't like zoo.

* * *

"Trip with Grandpa, huh?" asked the cashier at the ticket booth.

"No. Trip with Daddy's boss." Zach answered sarcastically.

"Oh!" The cashier replied slightly irritated.

"You're really good at talking today." Hank noted.

"If I'm forced to spend the weekend with Jay's boss, then yes."

"This should be fun." Voight murmured softly. Despite Jay's warning, he didn't think this boy could be so exhausting.

Zoey was completely fascinated by all of the animals and pressed her nose against the different types of enclosures to see as much as she could. She kept saying how cute all the animals were, whether they were monkeys, zebras, elephants, polar bears or lions. Zoey would most likely take the whole zoo home. Of course, Hank donated a portion of fries with ketchup to his almost grandchildren.

At home in Hank's garden, Zoey sank into her dreamy game world. Hank knelt beside her and played along. She had an enormous imagination. In her imagination, flowers and trees become living things to talk to. Her eyes saw friendly dwarfs and giants, angels and ghosts. She developed her fantasy world from flowers and leaves, stones and pine cones. The stones became mountains in a small landscape. Branches and moss created a small forest for her toys. Zoey sank more and more often in such game worlds since her mom could no longer play with her. She fled into her own world. A world where everything was perfect.

"Shall we go inside in a bit? Maybe play in the living room? It's getting dark, huh?" He asked. Zoey nodded slightly and followed her Grandpa into the house. She insisted on playing a tea party with her stuffed animal Pebble, her invisible friend Cosima and, of course, Grandpa Hank.

"And because Grandpa Hank is our guest of honor today, he has to wear the crown." Zoey explained and put a crown on Hank's head, which was tomato red. Luckily, no one was around to see him like that. With Justin he never got the opportunity to play princess, for which he was utterly relieved. But for his only granddaughter he made an exception of course.

"Would you like another cup of tea?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah, of course." Hank answered and Zoey poured him half a cup.

"Pebble, would you like some more tea, too?" Zoey asked her stuffed animal.

"Oh man. Are we in kindergarten now?" Zach complained, laying down on the sofa and turning on the TV.

"Would you like to play with us?" Zoey asked.

"Certainly not." Zach said.

"Can you turn off the TV?", Zoey asked. "Pebble and Cosima feel disturbed."

" Bad luck." Zach mumbled.

"Okay. Zoey, you should get ready for bed" Hank intervened.

"Now?" she asked disappointed.

"Yes. It's pretty late."

"Alright." Zoey said and ran up the stairs to put on her pajamas and brush her teeth.

"What's wrong with you?" Hank asked softly.

"Nothing." Zach mumbled.

"Something is depressing you."

"Everything's fine."

"Would you like to tell me what's going on?" Hank asked anxiously and sat down on the coffee table in front of his grandson.

"Why can't all of you just leave me alone?"

"We worry about you." Hank told him.

"I'm fine."

"I don't think so. You really should talk to someone. Whether it's with me, your dad or maybe one of your uncles or aunts." Hank suggested.

"I don't want to talk to anyone!" he hissed.

"Why are you so bad-tempered?" Hank asked gently.

"Because I have to hang out here?" Zach explained sarcastically.

"Jay said it's your standard behaviour now," Hank said.

"Jay has no idea." Zach hissed.

"Zachary, let's just talk about it. I just want to help you." Hank whispered in his husky voice.

"I'm supposed to be helped by an old man with a pink princess crown on his head?" Zach laughed and disappeared up the stairs. Hank took a deep breath. There was definitely something wrong with this boy.

* * *

"Good night Zach. Good night Zoey." Hank said. He stood by the bed where his grandchildren lay. Zoey insisted on sleeping with Zach.

"Grandpa, is that mommy?" Zoey asked pointing to a picture hanging on the wall.

Voight nodded, "Yes, she was 15 years old."

"Do you miss mommy too?" she asked.

"Yes. A lot."

"Me too." Zoey whispered, "Did mommy play tea party as well?"

"When your mom came to live with me, she was already a teenager. She didn't play with stuffed animals anymore, but we had other nice moments."

"Which ones?" Zoey asked curiously.

Voight chuckled and reveled in the memories...

 **Flashback**

 _Hank gently knocked on Erin's door. Earlier Justin had told him that there would be a father-daughter dance at the school that night. Everyone would go, but not Erin since she didn't have a father._

 _"Hey kid. Would you do me the honor to be your companion to the Father Daughter Dance. I know I'm not your dad, but I thought, since you never went to one of these events, that you would like to go with me?"_

 _"R-really?" Erin asked shakenly. A slight smile formed on her face, but it disappeared just as quickly, "But I have no dress and well..."_

 _"Oh, don't worry about that! I have been shopping for you today and now I'll help you to get your hair done." Camilla smiled, as she stood next to Hank, "You know, we thought you really deserve to go to one of those dances, and since you're one of our family, I was thinking ... Hank should go with you."_

 _Erin smiled joyfully. Hank was kind of a father figure to her, if she thought about it. He took care of her as well as Justin, even though she had only lived there for half a year._

 _"I would love it," Erin said, still smiling. Camilla shooed Hank out and helped Erin tie her hair together and finally showed her the beautiful red dress._

 _"Wow, you're beautiful." Hank beamed as she came down the stairs holding his arm out to her. "Let's not think about anything other than dancing and the terrible food of the school buffet tonight."_

 _"Yeah," Erin laughed as she hooked her arm through his, "Thank you guys."_

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, Jay rang the front door of his sergeant's house to pick up his kids.

"Hello Jay." Hank greeted him. In the living room, the two adults waited for the kids to get their bags.

"Did Zach behave?" Jay asked curiously.

"Yes, but I think it's more than just a bad mood. He really doesn't want to talk to anyone. I think he inherited this stubbornness from you and Erin."

"Probably. I was hoping a little distance might be good for him." Jay mumbled.

"He needs time. Erin has been dead for 4 months. He still has to learn to handle it. This phase will disappear soon." Voight said and Jay nodded.

"Daa-Jay. We're ready to go! ." Zoey yelled.

Confused, Voight looked at Jay. Zoey didn't seriously call him Jay , did she?

"Long story. Bottom line, since Bunny showed up, I'm only Jay for both of them." he explained disappointed.

"This morning Zoey also stopped calling me Grandpa," Hank told him.

"Yeah. She does everything her brother does." Jay said.

"Then make sure Zach doesn't slip away from you at some point." Hank stated.

* * *

 **Hi! Thanks for your review. What do you think so far? Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Bye lelema**


	9. Chapter 8

A new case led Jay to go to a crime scene early in the morning. Patrol cars were scattered across the street, blocking the last few yards to a small friendly house. The mood was depressing and the faces of the other members grim and serious. Jay entered the living room of the house. A nasty smell came to meet him. Empty packaging and toys lay scattered everywhere.

"Oh my god." Adam almost caught his breath.

"I need to puke." Kim murmured and hurried out in a flash.

"Why would someone do that?" Antonio mumbled and knelt down.

Jay stepped forward slowly. Behind the couch lay four dead white children.

"The oldest child is 8 or 9 years old." Kevin stated in shock.

"And the youngest child was still a baby." Upton said, pointing to a small child covered in dried blood.

"They were all stabbed." Al whispered.

"Where are the parents of the kids?" Adam wondered.

"The mother is outside with the paramedics. She was on a business trip and found her children dead when she got home." Al explained.

Jay closed his eyes in disbelief and ran his hand through his face. Who was doing this? They were little innocent children, who had their whole life ahead of them. He hated this type of case. He hated these cases even before he became a father, but now with two kids such cases were terrible. He knew that he would again draw a parallel to his kids. Especially, since the victims were the same age as his own children. He didn't really know why these cases were the worst. Probably, because he worried too much about his own kids. It took a lot of effort to allow his eldest to go to friends from the neighborhood all by himself. At this moment he wanted nothing more than his wife at his side. She would stand next to him and gently hug him. She would just be there for him and he would be there for her. They would support each other.

While the forensics made photos and profiles of the bodies, Olinsky had joined Voight. The two men watched the work of their colleagues with impenetrable expressions. Even though this was nothing new and only one of many such cases in Chicago, murder cases with children would never been easy to bear.

"3 boys and a girl." Al sighed and shook his head. "Just so-" he snapped his fingers for clarification, "annihilated." Voight nodded affirmatively.

The case came very close to everyone, as it was unbelievable what had happened. For the next few hours and days, they worked hard on the murder motive, the murder weapon, and everything else that would help them solve the case. Finally, they made the cruel discovery. Everything seemed like the father had murdered his children, but it turned out not to be him. He had an alibi. It turned out to be the babysitter who was simply annoyed by the kids. Continuously a child kept asking for something else. The children supposedly would have complained constantly. The children's parents were both on business trips, each of them not knowing it about the other. Besides, the sitter believed she was badly paid. It was always her fault if the children broke something. She had simply lost control and stabbed one child after another.

* * *

After a few hard days, Jay grabbed a beer from the fridge and slid slowly to the floor. It felt like he was falling into a deep hole with its depth unknown. Inside, he felt a void. Indifferently, he stared into the half-darkened room. Since Erin was dead and the trusted babysitter quit because she wanted to start a family herself, he didn't care who took care of his little kids. The kids had scared off five babysitters in no time with the help of provocations and pranks. What if he had hired a babysitter just like their suspect? Would he have found his kids dead one day? He felt damn bad. The thought alone made him sick. He had hired the latest babysitter without a thorough background check. If he was being honest, he didn't even know the last two babysitters personally.

"Da-Jay?" Zoey asked, walking up to him slowly

"I thought you were sleeping." he muttered. His gaze moved to his watch. It was 2 o'clock in the morning.

"I can't sleep." She mumbled and stopped in front of her father, "Is everything okay?" She asked softly and Jay nodded hesitantly. He fumbled with the label of the beer bottle. He just could not look into his daughter's eyes.

"But you look sad," she stated, sinking down on the floor next to Jay. Jay felt uncomfortable in the presence of his daughter. She should not see him so broken. But in the end Zoey gave him security. Her closeness felt good.

"It has been some exhausting days." He whispered.

"But everything will be fine, right?" She asked softly and cuddled up to her daddy.

"Yes."

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, sweetie." He smiled lightly and clutched his little girl tightly to him.

Together, they sat silently on the ground.

* * *

A short while later Jay withdrew. After an exhausting case, he fired the babysitter and asked the elderly friendly neighbor to look after the children. He threw himself into work and made endless overtime. He was rarely home. He had many sleepless nights as nightmares were plaguing him.

"Halstead. That'll be $ 10." Ruzek said, handing out the ordered China food.

"Yeah..." Jay said, rummaging around in his wallet. Strange. Astonished he realized that once again he had no money, even though he had withdrawn cash only yesterday. Only yesterday he had picked up cash.

"You gonna pay be back today?" Ruzek asked impatiently.

"I'll pay later. I have no more money." Jay said.

"Whatever."

The next few days Jay watched again and again as his money disappeared from his wallet. Finally he decided to talk to his kids.

"Do you know what's strange?" Jay asked. Both were lying in Zoey's cave under the loft bed and played their Nintendo DS.

"No." Zach said without looking up at his father.

"Lately, my money is disappearing." Jay said, taking a deep breath, "And I think one of you two is behind it."

"You sure? After all, you're not exactly the youngest." Zach murmured absently.

"I beg your pardon? I'm in my late thirties." Jay said.

"Like I said. Dementia says hello."

"All right. Whoever has taken my money will have until tomorrow morning to put the money back. Either anonymous or you talk to me and I'll try to understand and help." Jay said.

The next morning, the money still wasn't returned to the wallet. So he waited until the kids came down or breakfast. Maybe someone really wanted to talk. He leaned back curiously against the kitchen counter and sipped his coffee, which he accidentally made for two that morning.

"Sorry." Zach muttered, putting $ 50 on the kitchen counter.

"50 dollars? Where's the rest?" Jay asked.

"Spent on a school trip." Zach muttered.

"An excursion? Did you get a letter?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow. Normally he would have to sign a slip.

"Uh. A theater trip. It's already in the bin." Zach lies.

"A theater trip that costs $ 170? You're going to Broadway or what?"

"Uh. Yeah."

"All right. Out with it. Did you buy a computer game?" Jay asked.

"No I did not!" Zach yelled.

"What then?" Jay asked quietly.

"Nothing!"

"Than where is the remaining $ 120?" Jay asked angrily, as if Zach was a felon during interrogation.

"You care about your fucking money, but you don't care about us!" Zach shouted.

"Then tell me what's wrong with you?!"

"You don't even realize how bad your daughter feels. You haven't been interested in us for a long time, because we remind you too much of Mum." Zach yelled, grabbed his school bag and ran out of the house.

Zoey sat silently at the table. She felt bad. She was so tired of the eternal quarrels. Slowly the tears rolled down her face. She wanted her mommy. She didn't want to be without her anymore. She missed her mommy. Zoey sniffed harder. Only then Jay noticed his daughter, who wept and trembled strongly.

"Zoey, what's wrong?" Jay asked, squatting down in front of his daughter. He brushed his daughter's lock of hair aside and looked into her howling hazel eyes.

"My tummy hurts, but in my head." She cried easily.

"I understand. Then we'll put you down, okay?" Jay said and carried his daughter into the living room, where he gently laid her on the couch and covered her up with a blanket. Then he went back to the kitchen and got her a glass of juice.

"Take a nap, okay? That should help a bit." Jay told her, sitting at the edge of the sofa.

"Will you stay with me?" She asked softly.

"I can't. I have to go to work, but I'm sure the next door neighbour will take good care of you."

"Please," she whimpered softly, "please."

"Maybe I can home early today." Jay tried to cheer her up.

* * *

 **Thank you for the review. I think I will take the suggestions :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Sometimes just help a big hug and no endless discussion about what to do.**

When Jay went to bed that evening, Zoey lay in bed still awake. He looked in on her and she pretended to be asleep. But as soon as he had closed the door to her room, Zoey got out of bed and crept down to the living room. She needed money. A lot of money. There were a few coins in her piggy bank, but they were far from enough, because she had done some research - a flight to the space costs approximately $ 200,000. Luckily for her, her dad often put his wallet in the bowl on the coffee table or on the kitchen counter...

* * *

A loud childish cry woke Jay in the early morning. Tiredly he looked at the clock - half past seven showed it to him. He picked himself up slowly. He had hardly slept during the night. His thoughts clouded his mind. He dreamed of Erin's death, Zach's kidnapping, the dead children and his time in Afghanistan. The events eventually merged into pure chaos. Again and again he wondered _what if_.

With a jerk he finally got up and trotted into Zoey's room. She cried and angrily smacked her brother, who simply laughed.

"Oh man. Zoey. Nothing happened. Besides, you didn't hurt me, it just tickles."

"You're stupid!" She yelled, "Now she's gone!"

"What's going on?" Jay asked, standing in the doorstep.

"Zach has sat down on Cosima!" Zoey howled and continued to beat her laughing brother.

"All right? Uh... Zoey, get off your brother and stop hitting him."

Zoey stopped, crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her head in her typical _I'm-stubborn_ position.

"That's no reason to freak out. It's just your stupid fantasy anyway!" Zach hissed at his sister as he pulled himself up.

"Hey. Zachary, that's enough." Jay warned and knelt in front of his little daughter, "Honey. What's going on, huh?"

"Cosima will not come back because Zach's always so mean." She cried.

"Cosima doesn'texist! Wake up from your fucking dream!" Zach yelled.

"That's enough! Go to your room!" Jay said angrily and gently turned back to his daughter, "You know Zoey, if Cosima went away because Zach was mean, then she's not a good friend."

"Maybe, but Zach has sat down on her." Zoey explained.

"Maybe she just got a little scared and she'll come back later." Jay said.

"No she won't, because Zach offended her."

Jay bit his lower lip hard, as he got. overwhelmed. Recently he was with Zoey at the pediatrician. It was just a routine exam, but the doctor eventually also raised his concerns that Zoey was trying to balance her mother's loss with an imaginary friend. Jay should show understanding for this invisible friend and play along. Sooner or later Zoey would process the loss and her imaginary friend would disappear by itself.

"I'm pretty sure Zach didn't know Cosima was sitting there. After all, only you can see her."

"He should have apologized, but he just laughed at us."

"I know. But how can Zach apologize? He can't see her and besides, she's gone." Jay explained.

"He should have apologised right now." Zoey said.

"I know, but don't blame your brother. He doesn't have such a big fantasy and neither do I."

"Nevertheless she is gone."

"Then maybe she should stay away if she doesn't feel it necessary to stay with you. You still have your stuffed dog Pebble." Jay explained, reaching for the stuffed animal and holding it out to her. Zoey gripped her Pebble tightly.

"Come on. It's all good." Jay consoled his daughter and hugged her.

* * *

"Alright, what happened next?" Jay asked as he wrote down the intel a CI was giving him.

"Man. That should be enough."

"This?" Jay asked suspiciously, showing him an almost completely blank page, "You're not serious, right?"

"The writing is quite small," he told him.

"Just spit it out!" Jay said.

"I would, just ..." he stretched his flat hand.

"I understand." Jay mumbled and reached into the wallet. He was surprised. A 20-dollar bill was all that was left in his wallet. This time he was pretty sure he hadn't spent any money yet...

"Are you kidding me?" the CI asked puzzled.

"See it as a down payment. If you're right about the drug deal, you'll get the rest." Jay said.

"Whatever."

* * *

Again a door slammed. Zoey, who was playing in her room, heard the angry voice of Zach. He quarreled with dad so often recently. Ever since mommy died, daddy and Zach argued almost constantly. Zoey wanted to go to Zach, sneak into his room, where he often lay on his bed with his arms crossed, listening to music, to cuddle up in his arms. But since mommy died, he rarely let anyone in.

Quietly, the girl walked to the stairs and looked down over the railing. The wide door that lead to the living room was open and Zoey saw her father sitting on the sofa, his head heavy in his hands. He was crying, but she knew if she would go to him now, he would wipe away the tears franticly, smile torturedly and pretend that everything was fine. She didn't want daddy to always look happy, while his eyes showed sadness.

So she went back to her room silently, ignoring the booming music that now flowed out of Zach's room and crawled into the cave she built under the loft bed. She lay there for a long time holding her stuffed dog Pebble in her arms. Her father called her down for dinner, but she didn't go. She wasn't hungry because her head hurts.

Gently, Jay knocked on her door that was slightly ajar. Slowly he approached her cave and crouched down in front of it. He set the tray of food on the floor down in front of her.

"I thought you might be hungry." Jay said quietly, wiping the tears from her face with his thumb.

"Why do you guys always have to argue?" Zoey asked softly.

"I don't know, Zoey. I guess Zachary and I have too much disagreement. Come on, you have to eat something." Jay said holding out some toast. She had eaten very badly for week, because she just wasn't hungry anymore. Zoey shook her head and refused the food.

"What can I do to make you feel better?" Jay asked softly.

"Don't argue with Zach anymore." Zoey whispered.

"We'll try, okay?"

"Da-Jay? Zach is innocent. He didn't steal your money." Zoey cried suddenly, "It was me."

Speechless Jay looked at his tear-stained daughter.

Zoey got up and got her cashbox. "I just wanted to fly to mommy," she cried and handed it her dad. Shocked, he looked into the tearing eyes of his daughter when he saw the missing money.

"Hey honey, it's alright," Jay said, pulling his daughter into a bear hug. Zoey snuggled into him. She cried even harder. "It's okay. I just wish you had told me the truth from the beginning. You know, I thought Zach was the thief."

"I-I w-was scared." Zoey stammered, "I didn't want you to get angry or sad."

"You don't have to be scared. You can always come to me, no matter what. I'm always here for you and your brother." Jay whispered, kissing her on the cheek.

"I'm so sorry, daddy." Zoey sniffled.

"You don't have to be sorry."

"Can we fly to mommy?" Zoey asked hopefully..

"Honey. Mommy is in a place where you cannot fly to." Jay said.

"But Zach said that Mommy is in heaven now. She's on a star and looking down on us. And we only need a two with five zero's dollars for a rocket." Zoey explained.

"Well, maybe Zach is right, but there's no way to fly there But we have the beautiful moments in our memory."

"We will never see mommy again?" Zoey asked sadly and Jay nodded.

"Maybe you can paint her a picture and we can go visit mommy in the cemetery." Jay said and Zoey nodded hesitantly.

"But what if I forget mommy?"

"Mommy will always be here, deep inside of you." Jay said, placing her little hand on her heart. Zoey cried and hugged her dad tighter.

"I love you, Zoey." Jay whispered.

"I love you too daddy."

"Are we going to apologize to Zach now?" Jay asked.

"Oh yeah. And I'm hungry for pizza." Zoey beamed.


	11. Chapter 10

**Hi! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and you'll let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Jay knocked on Zach's door while Zoey was still in his arms. The colorful wooden letters of the name _Zachary_ were barely visible as the door was provided with stickers and signs:

 _"Enter at your own risk"_ and _"No access for know-it-alls, for spies or cops and for my dear and curious parents. Call waiting may cause a mortal danger"_

The word _parents_ was crossed out with a black pen and corrected with _Jay_.

"What do you want? I don't have your fucking money." he said annoyed when Jay came in.

"Language, Zach." Jay said in a peaceful tone and put back the $ 50 that Zach gave him from his own money box, "Turn off the music, please. We should talk. "

"No." Zach muttered angrily and devoted his attention back to his Nintendo DS. Then Jay turned off the music system.

"Hey! Leave me alone!" Zach complained.

Jay sat down with Zoey on his lap, "As I said, we should talk.."

"About what?" Zach asked annoyed and crossed his arms.

"About these constant quarrels. Your sister suffers from it. It can't continue like this." Jay took a deep breath, "I'm sorry that I thought you stole the money. Zoey told me everything. I love how much you protect your little sister, but you should have told me the truth. I'm not angry with you both. I know how hard it is to grow up without a mother. Please let us be a family again."

"You don't know anything." Zach muttered.

"Okay. I was an adult when my mom died, but I know how hard it is to lose a loved one from one day to the next." Jay said softly, "We don't help each other if we make life unnecessarily difficult."

"It was quite convenient for you that mom died." Zach muttered.

"Why would you say that, Zachary? I loved your mom. I miss her every single day. I think about her every single day. Do you really believe Bunny more than your own father?" Jay asked, slightly disappointed with himself.

"Is that true that you guys didn't want to pay my ransom at the time?"

Hearing that, Zoey raised her head from Jay's chest and looked at her daddy.

"We didn't have the money. We did everything we could within the deadline to raise the money. You should be grateful to your grandfather for putting pressure on CPD. We never would have forgiven each other if something had happened to you."

"You never told me why I was kidnapped."

"Because there was nothing to tell."

"I am old enough for the truth. Was I kidnapped because someone wanted to take revenge on you?" Zach asked.

"No, you weren't."

"Why then?"

"What do you mean, why Bunny was so well informed? At the time, she had gotten into debt to a guy and she kidnapped you along with this guy."

"Because she had to pay off her debts with the money you paid for my release." Zach stated.

Jay nodded slightly, "I have never seen your mom so angry and disappointed. Do you know what she did? The next day, she slapped Bunny."

"What happened to Bunny?"

"She was behind bars for several years."

"Better not mess with mom." Zach smirked lightly, "So everything she said wasn't true? You loved mom and you weren't ashamed of her?"

"I love her with all my heart as I love you both. Bunny is lying as soon as she opens her mouth." Jay said and Zach nodded.

* * *

Zoey was sitting on the kitchen counter and watched her dad as he searched for the number of a pizza service.

"Why don't we bake one ourselves?" she asked.

"W-what?" Jay asked, deep in thought.

"Pizza. We can do it ourselves."

"Uh. Do we have the ingredients?"

"Aunt Natalie and Uncle Will have shopped."

"How? When?" Jay asked in confusion, opening the cupboards, which were surprisingly filled with food.

"They took care of us. You weren't there and the neighbor wasn't in mood." Zoey explained.

"Um. Okay. Well, let's bake pizza then!"

"YEAH!" Zoey screamed with enthusiasm.

Father and daughter diligently prepared 3 pieces of dough.

"If you eat the dough you will have less pizza." Jay explained.

"But the dough is delicious and I haven't eaten for a long time." Zoey said.

Worried, Jay looked at his daughter. He did not take his child's loss of appetite, constant headache or abdominal pain seriously. He should have acted much sooner.

"What's next?" Zoey asked, kneading the dough in a round shape.

"Now comes the sauce." Jay said, warmed a pot on the stove. When it was ready, they distributed the sauces on the three round pizza dough pieces.

"Look daddy, now it has eyes." She said, putting down 2 pieces of salami. Jay grinned at the sight of his happy daughter.

"He needs a mouth." Zoey said and took a yellow pepper strip.

"Do not forget the nose." Zach grinned and sat down at the table with them.

"ZACH!" Zoey rejoiced and fell around his neck

"Do you still have any dough for me?" Zach asked.

"Sure." Jay replied.

"Great." Zach said, and immediately turned to face the pizza, "Did you actually fall into the sauce?" Zach asked his sister.

"No," she giggled.

"Are you sure? You look like a pizza." Zach laughed. Her face and T-shirt were spattered with sauce, but also covered with cheese and pepper pieces. Jay put the pizzas in the oven. He didn't care for the mess they had created in the kitchen. For the first time in a long time they were sitting at a table without arguing or yelling. Instead, they talked like a normal family.

"Zoey. How about you go and clean yourself up. I think your hair is covered with corn." Jay said.

"Okay." Zoey said and ran to the bathroom.

"But you have to hurry. Otherwise, I'll eat your pizza." Zach called after her.

"I think it's great that you're here." Jay said, leaning against the counter.

"I'm doing it for Zoey." he muttered, dodging his father's eyes again.

"Is there any chance that we will get along again?" Jay asked softly and Zach shrugged.

"Okay. Ask me. What do you want to know?" Jay asked.

"I don't have any questions."

"But you're still mad at me. You accuse me, but don't ask for the reasons."

"Why are you still a cop, even though the job took everything from you?" Zach asked.

"What am I supposed to do otherwise? Sit behind some desk and do paperwork? I like being a cop, even if this job is very risky. We protect the city, save people…" he paused for a moment "I like to help others and like to stand up for justice." Jay told him softly.

"Did you ever think that you might be dead one day too?"

"Yes. Pretty often." Jay sighed.

"Then why are you still a cop? Should we really become orphans?"

"I know. I will try to get home every day. To you and Zoey. But I can't imagine what else to do." Jay said and took a breath, "It was a mistake to focus on work. I'm sorry, Zach. Please let's start over again."

"Do you think an apology is enough? That it proves that you really mean it. Proves that you are there for us?"

"I promise you." Jay said.


	12. Chapter 11

**Thank you guys for your reviews. Let me know what you thing about this chapter. I was inspired by Chicago Fire 05x18 and Chicago PD 05x14 as well as from the review of Extraordinarygirl116**

* * *

A punch in the face. One kick into the stomach. Another blow to the face. A group of children circled around two students and cheered them on, "Fight! Fight Fight!"

"Hey you two! Apart!" a teacher shouted, trying to calm down a brown-haired boy who was furious at his classmate.

"Calm down!" He grabbed the boy's arm in annoyance, "What's your name?" He waited in vain for an answer, "Your name!"

"Zachary Halstead." he hissed as he wiped away the blood streaming from his nose.

"Well then Zachary, come with me."

Zachary did not have to wait too long in the school's secretariat. Soon after arriving he heard a door opening, and footsteps approaching . Within moments he was in front of him. His hands on his hips, Jay looked at his boy shocked. Gently, he lifted Zach's chin and looked at the injuries and scratch marks, "Hey. What happened?" he asked softly.

Quickly Zach pushed his father's hand away, crossed his arms and looked to the ground silently .

"I'm waiting for an explanation, Zachary. If I'm helping you, then I need to know what happened."

"It was nothing," he mumbled.

"Come on, out with it. Silence has never brought you anything." Jay waited strained for an answer, but before Zach spoke, they were called to the headmaster.

"Mr. Halstead. We don't tolerate violence at this school. Your son, Zachary, has unfortunately struck a classmate so hard that he is in the hospital now." With an aggravated look, Jay glared at his son as the headmaster continued, "The classmate will be fine. Fortunately, it was just a laceration on his head and a broken rib. However, I can't tolerate Zachary's behavior. I'm forced to suspend him for the rest of this week."

"A suspension? Is that really necessary? I mean, we don't know who started it. Maybe Zach fought back."

"Mr. Halstead or should I rather say detective Halstead? As a police officer, you should know that bodily harm is a crime."

"I understand your concerns and Zach will definitely not get away with it, but it was the first time. Detention should be enough."

"Didn't you receive our letters?" the headmaster asked with interest.

"Fuck." Zach murmured softly, but loud enough for Jay, who vouched for his son, "Of course, but considering the hard times, we should make an exception." Jay stammered, not knowing what the letters were about.

"Unfortunately we have looked away too often. My decision has been made. Zachary doesn't need to come back until next week." he said, rummaging in a drawer and handing Jay a letter, "I assume you don't know what we are talking about. Zachary disturbed lessons, his grades are bad, and recently he refused to respect the flag."

"I understand," Jay finally agreed with the headmaster.

* * *

"Can't I stay at home?" Zach moaned as Jay parked in front of the district.

"No. Honestly, I think you're missing a bit of rigor in parenting and as long as you don't tell me what was going on, you'll stay here."

"I couldn't help it that he couldn't defend himself." Zach muttered and trudged behind his father.

"You learn to box for self-defense and not to beat up your classmates." Jay hissed annoyed.

"Maybe that was a kind of self-defense."

"You seriously expect me to believe that?" Jay questioned suspiciously.

"Mom wouldn't be mad at me."

"Correct. She would be disappointed." Jay stated.

Almost at the same time Platt's voice rang through the reception area, "Detective Halstead, you made a big catch."

Without further comment, Jay opened the door and led Zach up to the bullpen.

"Wait in the break room." Jay mumbled and disappeared into Hank's office.

"What did the kid do?" he asked curiously.

"He hit another kid." Jay answered and took a deep breath, "He was suspended until next week. Today is Tuesday... I don't know what to do with him for so long."

"Of course you can bring him to work. Do you want to punish him?"

"Yeah. I think so, but above all he should learn a lesson."

"I think that wouldn't hurt." Hank agreed and they talked for a while about what would be best. After that Jay headed to the break room. Without looking at Zach, he poured himself some coffee.

"How long should I stay here?" Zach asked softly.

"Until I'm finished with work," Jay answered curtly.

"Do you have a charging cable with you? My Smartphone battery is empty."

"That's your bad." Jay took a deep breath, set the coffee cup aside and stared at his son with a look of disbelief in his eyes, "Listen. I don't care that you hit your classmate in the face,, because I think you had a big reason for doing that. But whenyou don't appreciate the flag and oath, you hurt me."

"I'm sorry."

"I thought we fixed everything." Jay said.

"I'm really sorry. I wasn't thinking." Zach replied.

Jay took a deep breath, "I have to work." He took his coffee cup and hurried out of the break room. After two hours silently staring at the wall, Zach slowly walked to his dad, who was sitting at his desk.

"Can we talk, please?" Zach asked softly. Jay stopped typing on the keyboard and looked into his son's eyes expectantly .

"You have to believe me, I'm very sorry. I've only used my right of free speech. I didn't know that you would make a big drama out of it."

"Come on, let's go on a trip." Jay said.

* * *

A little later he knocked on an apartment door.

"Why are we here?" Zach wondered.

"You'll see," Jay muttered. Shortly thereafter, the door was opened by a man, "Jay Halstead, what a honor." he grinned. "Hey Paul, it's been a long time." Jay smiled.

"Damn long, you must be little Zach ... come in." he said, hobbling ahead. Wondering why the man hobbled, Zach followed his dad.

"I suppose you don't remember me anymore." he noted after sitting down in the living room, "I saved your dad's ass."

Speechless, Zach looked at his dad, who nodded slightly, "It happened before you were born, but I already knew mom. I was called back to the Army Rangers and was in Afghanistan for a while."

"Did you tell him the story of where he got his name from?" Paul asked with interest.

Jay shook his head and Zach looked back and forth between the older men.

"You were named after a comrade. Zack, but written with a K. We got ambushed and he was shot while your dad and I were damned lucky." Paul explained. Zach stared at his dad incredulously , "Is that true?"

"Yeah. I've known him since early childhood. He was my best friend." Jay replied softly.

"By the way, you owe it to me that your dad still has both legs." He tapped against his left hollow leg. Below his knee was a prosthesis. "I pushed him away before the grenade blew us both apart."

"Why are you guys telling me this?" Zach asked softly.

"I want you to understand that your actions were a sign of disrespect. Disrespectful of everything we fought for." Jay explained to his son, who listened attentively, "Of course, you have the right of free speech, but I just want you to know there is more to it."

"I'll never do it again." Zach promised.

"You don't have to promise because you have the right of free speech. I just wanted you to know our point of view." Jay explained.

On the way back to the precinct, Zach decided to tell his father the whole truth, "I hit him first, but just because..." he stopped, thinking how to say it, "I lost control because... he insulted mom. I had to hit him and then it escalated." In understanding, Jay nodded, "Alright. I probably would have done the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Nobody insults Erin and gets away with it."

"So, you're not mad at me anymore, are you?" Zach asked softly.

"I can never be mad at you. I would have liked to give that guy two broken ribs." Jay winked.

"You shouldn't mess with us." Zach giggled.

"Exactly, but next time just let him talk and walk away. Those people aren't worth it."

"Yes Sir." Zach grinned.

* * *

Bored, Zach turned in his dad's chair, examining the framed family picture on the desk and listening to music on his iPod. On this Thursday morning the intelligence unit was called into action and he was left by himself. High and holy, he had to promise his grandfather and dad to do no mischief.

After a while, they returned with a girl, who was quickly taken to the break room by Kim and Hailey. Curious, he watched every single step. The girl was dirty, scared and cried easily.

"Dad. What happened to her?" Zach asked curiously.

"Trudy needs help at the front desk," Jay replied curtly.

Zach knew right away they had something important to talk about up here and that he couldn't stay. He grabbed his bag pack and joined Platt.

"Hello. I want to pay my fines," an older man said. "Is the CPD now employing children?"

Zach looked up from his iPod, but as he looked t around, he realised that no policeman nor Trudy was in sight.

"Yes. I'm Sergeant Halstead. How can I help you?" Zach grinned.

"I want to pay my parking tickets for incorrect parking." he explained, putting the money down on the counter, "Could you possibly get your supervisor?"

"I'm the supervisor." Zach grinned, took a flashlight and asked, "Is that real money?" as he shone the light on the bill.

"What?" he asked indignantly.

"We always have problems with fake money here."

"Even if, one shine should be enough."

"No no no. It isn't real." Zach said and examined the bill from all sides.

"Of course that's a real one." he complained.

"Even a 6-year-old sees that it's a fake and I'm nine. Checkmate." Zach grinned. At the same moment Jay and Hailey came down the stairs. They wore their vests and were in a hurry, but the man stopped them, "I want to talk to someone who is responsible for the reception."

Confused, the two cops looked to Zach, who satalone behind the counter and grinned naughtily. For a brief moment Jay closed his eyes, but he also had to grin a little. He could well imagine what Zach had said.

"Oh, you think that's funny huh?" The man asked, reading out the name on the vest, "Detective Halstead? Then you probably also know Sergeant Halstead, who claims I was going to pay with fake money."

"Sergeant, huh? Where's Platt?" Jay asked curiously.

"I don't know. Suddenly everyone was gone." Zach shrugged. Jay stepped up to the counter and quickly did the work so the man could leave.

"As a sergeant, you may want to have a bit more respect for strangers." Jay winked.

"But Trudy said you have to have some authority. The man wouldn't have taken me seriously otherwise." Zach explained.

"He didn't one way or the other." Jay laughed.

After a while, Zach made his way to the break room, because he was hungry and thirsty. The girl who was brought in earlier in the morning sat shyly on the floor with her back against the couch.

"Hey. I'm Zach. Who are you?" he asked, but she said nothing. Zach took the packet of biscuits off the shelf and sat down beside her, "Are you hungry as well?" and held out the bag.

"I'm just guessing your name. Are you Mia or Sophie?" Zach asked, "Or maybe you're Princess Leia of Star Wars?"

She smirked slightly, "Emma."

"Hey Emma. Why are you here?" he asked.

"My parents were..." she broke off her sentence, crying.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Zach said calmly and looked into her sad eyes. He wanted to comfort her, but didn't know how, but he knew what his parents would say, "If you want to talk to someone, I'm here for you."

"As if you would understand ," she hissed.

"Maybe, maybe not." He breathed in and out, "My mom died 8 months ago. She was shot."

"Really?"

Zach nodded slightly, "I miss her very much."

"How do you manage to cope?" She asked.

"I don't know. Sometimes I imagine that it was just a bad dream, and when I go to the kitchen in the morning, my mom, dad and my little sister are happily having breakfast... In the beginning everything was strange and unbelievable, but I think you should be grateful for that what you have."

"I'm supposed to go to my aunt. She's coming from California to pick me up."

"Make the best of it."

"That's easy for you to say."

"I'm serious. It just makes it harder when you're mad at people who are not to blame." Zach sighed.

"A few cops were laughing earlier. A nine-year-old was kidding people at the reception... that's was you, wasn't it?" she smiled.

"It sure was! I love jokes!"

In the meantime, the detectives returned. They had brought in the murderer, who was now being interrogated by Antonio and Hank. Kim, Kevin, Adam, Hailey and Jay overheard the children's conversation as the door to the break room was open. Jay had no idea that Zach was feeling that way.

* * *

Joyfully Zoey hopped down the steps gradually. She was highly motivated that Monday morning. Today her class went to the Natural History Museum and she loved such trips.

"Good morning my favorite brother." She beamed and saw her brother almost asleep at the table.

"You're annoying," he mumbled wearily.

"Where is daddy?" Zoey asked curiously when she didn't see her dad.

"No idea." Zach muttered and got the cereal box.

"He is always awake before us." Zoey stated, "Who's going to make breakfast now?"

"No idea."

"Maybe daddy has overslept?" Zoey mused.

"Maybe," Zach muttered, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"Can you come to daddy with me?" Zoey pleaded.

"Go yourself."

"Please. You're my favorite brother." Zoey begged.

"I am your only brother."

"Please..." Zoey tried to convince him with a cute puppy look in her eyes.

"Fine," Zach groaned annoyed.

Listening to the door they noticed a faint indistinct mumble. Carefully, Zach opened the door. Shocked, they saw their dad, who rolled uneasily back and forth. He still had his normal everyday clothes on and the blanket had been kicked off.

"Did daddy have a bad dream?" Zoey asked anxiously.

"Yeah, I think so." Zach answered.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Zach shrugged his shoulders, "But we should wake him up, right?"

"I don't know." Zoey said, shrugged her slender shoulders as well as Zach slowly approached the bed.

"Dad?" Zach asked softly, before raising his voice, "Dad! Wake up." But Jay continued to sleep, mumbling unintelligibly to himself. Zach exchanged glances with his sister before gently grabbing his dad's shoulder and shaking it slightly, "Dad?"

In a flash Jay woke up, grabbed his son's arm and with his other hand gave him a powerful resounding slap in the face.

In a reflex, Zach touched his ear. He felt a sharp pain and a hollow feeling in his ear. Looking back at his hand, which was previously at his ear, he saw it was bloody. A small stream of blood spilled out of his ear and trickled down his neck. Shocked, Zach looked at his dad, who looked just as shocked. Zoey stood in horror at the threshold.

Jay closed his eyes in stunned silence for a moment before trying to explain the situation. But Zach did not hear his father's words, even though he could see his lips move. He barely heard his environment as everything sounded very quiet and dull. Zach jerked away from his father, as he wanted to pull him into a hug.

"I hate you! I wish you were dead!" Zach shouted angrily. Although he screamed, he could barely hear his own voice. Suddenly Zach ran out of the bedroom, Zoey looked at her dad in disbelief. Never had dad hit her or her brother. And it was obvious to her that he was already sorry for it. Nevertheless, she ran after her brother.

Jay, however, ran his hand helplessly over his face. He would never beat his own children. On the contrary, he abhorred such parents. Stunned, he got up and tried to catch his children before they both disappeared from the house, but he was too late. Jay had arrived at the stairs when he heard the front door slam shut...


	13. Chapter 12

**In every life, the moment comes when you have to decide between what you need and what you want. And if you are lucky you will find the human who saves you.**

* * *

"Good morning. My name is Susan Winter from DCFS. I want to talk to detective Halstead. It's about a private matter." her voice was gentle, but with a very decisive undertone that made Trudy Platt disapprove, raising an eyebrow. "Oh! Had I known the high attendance was due, I would have rolled out the red carpet." Platt growled sarcastically. Everyone at the precinct knew that they shouldn't t mess with Sergeant Platt, let alone talk to her like that.

"Please take me to detective Halstead. The occasion is anything but funny." she said sternly.

"Follow me." Platt muttered, escorting her up the stairs.

"Halstead. You have a visit-" before Platt finished speaking, she was interrupted by the lady. "Detective Halstead. My name is Susan Winter from DCFS. Do you have a moment?"

"Sure. What is it about?" Jay asked irritated and looked up from the computer.

"It's private."

Jay nodded and led her into the break room, drawing inquisitive glances from his colleagues.

"So. Mrs. Winter, why are you here?" Jay asked.

"I am here to inform you that your children, Zachary and Zoey, are being taken out of your guardianship."

"What? You can't do that!"

"Unfortunately, I can when a child is at risk. We have a statement that says you have hit your son."

"From whom do you have the statement?" Jay asked curiously.

"That's confidential I'm afraid."

"Listen. I love my kids. I would never endanger or hit them."

"The middle ear injury of Zachary Halstead was what exactly? Or the bruises on his face, arms and legs?" She asked skeptically.

"He was involved in a school brawl. Besides, my hand only slipped once. I didn't sleep well. The last days were stressful. Normally, I would never hit my son or daughter."

"But you have beaten your son several times, whose injuries may well have to be repaired surgically." she explained.

"Several times? It was ONE slap in the face!" Jay exclaimed. Desperately, he ran his hand through his hair.

"The injuries show something else. I'm sorry, Mr. Halstead, but your children are being placed in a foster home for the time being. We have to check the family circumstances."

"You can't do that. They both need their home."

"It's my job to protect children from violent or broken families."

"My family is neither violent nor shattered."

"Mr. Halstead, unfortunately we have heard something completely different."

"Can't they go to their uncle or grandfather?" Jay asked hopefully.

"As I said, we have to check the family circumstances. But you can apply for visitation rights. Goodbye." She said, put some forms on the table and disappeared down the stairs.

Jay took a deep breath and threw a chair into the corner. He had to let off some steam. His eyes fell on the pin board. More specifically, the family image of intelligence. It showed the Dawson family, the Olinsky family, Platt and Mouch, Voight, Kevin with his siblings, Kim and Adam and of course the Halstead family.

* * *

 _ **Flashback**_

 _It was a sunny, warm Sunday. They had all met with their families for a relaxing day at the beach._

 _Eva and Diego played volleyball enthusiastically with 6-year-old Zachary . Meanwhile little 2-year-old Zoey played with her toys. Kim was lying on the towel next to Erin. She was pregnant with her first child with Adam and was currently getting some tips from her. The men sat together, chatting and drinking a beer._

 _Jay watched as his son trotted over to Erin and gave her a soaking wet hug. "Oh, wait, you little man!" Erin whispered, grabbing her son and tickled him. "Mommy, stop it! Please. Mommy. No tickling!" He shouted, laughing. Erin listened to his request and took him in her arms._

 _"You know, I love you very much." Erin smiled._

 _"I love you more." Zach beamed while Erin carried her son to the water where she flopped him in. Zach immediately jumped on Erin back and tried to push his mom into the water, because she should also be soaking wet._

 _"Don't be cheeky." Erin warned and splashed him._

 _"I always am!" Zach grinned and both romped around. Eva and Diego hurried to help their little friend. Kevin's younger siblings joined in as well. Antonio laughed as he saw Erin fighting with five kids. He didn't hesitate and hurried to help out Erin. Adam, Jay and Kevin didn't t hesitate as well and stood on Erin's side._

 _Hank, Al and Kim stayed on the beach. While Al and Kim commented on the playful water battle and snapped pictures, Hank and his granddaughter built a large sandcastle._

 _ **End of the Flashback**_

* * *

"Halstead. What's going on?" Voight asked.

"Um. It's complicated." Jay dodged the question and squatted at his desk.

* * *

"Halstead. I should get paid, for the many visitors I have to accompany." Platt complained. Jay looked up from filling in the visitation forms and recognized his big brother.

"Shit, Jay. If you lie to me again, telling me everything is fine at home, then I'll hit you! The DCFS has brought the kids to Med." Will hissed and looked like he was about to hit his younger brother. Instead, he just pushed him against the filing cabinet. Jay hadn't seen his brother so angry in a long time.

"Will. I can explain." Jay stammered.

"There is no explanation for that! You hit your son in the face!"

Everyone in the bullpen looked at the Halstead brothers wide-eyed. Did they really hear it right? Their friend and colleague was a decent guy, he would never…

"You know very well that I would never hit Zach."

"You hit him, Jay! Your kids will be taken away! Understand that!"

"I know," said Jay, rubbing his hair helplessly.

Voight, standing at the doorway to his office, grimly looked at the single parent, "Is it true?" Voight asked with a biting undertone. The eyes narrowed to slits. Jay nodded hesitantly.

"You hit Erin's son?" Voight asked angrily. Again, Jay nodded slightly. He was very sorry.

"Have you completely lost control now? Incredible! Show us a perfect world while the kids are suffering?!" Voight yelled angrily, "Pack your things. I don't want to see you in this unit anymore."

"Voight. I... I had a busy day and then..." Jay tried to escape from this situation.

"In spite of all that, you have no right to hit your 9-year-old boy!"

"I…"

"Was my announcement not clear? Leave this unit, as long as you are not in control I do not want to see you anymore." Hank yelled.

"Yes. Sarge."

Angrily, Hank slammed his office door shut. Antonio just shook his head in disbelief while the others watched their partner silently.

"Will, how is Zach doing?" Jay asked worriedly before his brother walked down the stairs.

"He's in surgery right now. You're lucky if Zach doesn't lose his hearing in his left and your 5 year old daughter suffers from severe migraine caused by stress."

"Can I see them?" Jay asked.

Will shook his head, "Zoey was picked up by a foster family and as soon as Zach is released from the hospital, he will stay there for the time being."

"If you see Zach, can you please tell him something?" Jay asked.

"Natalie and I are not allowed to see him because of the family relationship. Besides, I think you should talk to him in person."

"Yes, of course." Jay mumbled.

"Jay. Everything will be fine, but it takes time." Will told him.

* * *

Hey! I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you for your reviews!


	14. Chapter 13

**Thank you so much for your reviews!**

* * *

 **Life does not always go according to plan. Sometimes you lose control. You know what's right and still do it wrong. You keep going, even though you are off track. Sometimes the people who save us are the ones we least expect.**

* * *

Jay sat on the couch, his head heavily supported in his hands. Light tears rolled down his cheek.

The wedding photo was in front of him. He would give everything to visit his wife again. To experience happiness together again as it used to be. He wanted to hear her voice and thoughts. He needed her advice. Once again he wanted to hug her and feel her closeness. It was hard to live without her, every day at any time. He thought so much since she was gone. Only through her did he become a better person, because she showed him how valuable life was. She gave him the greatest gift - _a family_. He wiped his tears away, Life has changed, but the memory remains forever. He would never forget her. She will always be in his heart.

* * *

 _The ceremony took place in the closest circle. Likewise, Jay had always imagined his wedding. Together with the woman he loved above all, he finally stood before a registrar, but he barely heard his words. All he saw were the hazel eyes that looked at him lovingly._

 _While the registrar talked about love, luck, and fate, Jay and Erin could only remember that this was the moment they had been waiting for. It was spring and the sky was brilliant blue. Everything was perfect. Jay suddenly heard that the registrar spoke to him._

 _"Mr. Jay Halstead. Do you want to marry your present fiancé Erin Lindsay? - then please answer yes, I want."_

 _"Yes, I want." Jay beamed._

 _"Now my question to you too, Mrs. Erin Lindsay. Do you want to marry Mr. Jay Halstead? - then please answer yes, I want."_

 _"Yes, I want!" Erin smiled._

" _By the power vested in me, I now declare you and you husband and wife…"_

 _You are allowed to kiss the bride now he did not have to say twice. Erin put her arms around her husband's neck and the two gave each other a long kiss. Their families, colleagues and friends applauded with joy._

 _When Erin broke away from Jay, both smiled happily._

 _"You can swap your rings now!" the registrar said, smiling. Jay took the rings from his groomsmen Mouse. He was beaming with joy._

 _The wedding celebration took place in a nice restaurant with a big terrace and garden. Will and the intelligence and family were invited._

 _"As it should, you will not be around without a speech!" Said Voight, rising from his seat near Erin. The guests became silent and also the little almost 2-year-old Zachary who sat on the lap of his parents stopped babbling as if he understood what is coming._

 _Hank Voight cleared his throat. "Erin, Jay, I'm very proud of you!" He said smiling at his foster daughter and almost son-in-law. "Together, you have experienced many ups and downs in your relationship, and yet you have managed to grow your love for each other. From your relationship to each other I was initially skeptical and strict against it. And I am glad that you have defied my rules, otherwise the little man between you two would not exist. You both complement each other very well, Erin met you, Jay, at a time when she needed someone like you, and I quickly realized that you were more than just partner. And luckily you have noticed it too." Voight winked, "I'm really happy to call you my family._ _Cheers up! Erin and Jay!_ _" Voight finished his speech and they raised everyone their glass._

 _Erin lifted little Zach to Jay, got up and gave Hank big a hug. "Thanks Hank." Erin smiled at her father figure. "You have a really wonderful family, kiddo."_

 _"Mommy play." the little man said as Erin walked back to them._

 _"Do you want to play, Cheeky Monkey?" Erin asked._

 _"Yes. Mommy play along."_

 _"Mommy does not want to, but would you like to play with Eva and Diego?" Erin asked._

 _"Yes." Zach said, climbing down from his father's lap and scrambling under the table to Eva and Diego, who were walking to the small playground with Zach._

 _Erin grinned at the sight. She really had everything she wanted - an amazing son, best friends, Hank and an adorable loving husband. Silently, Erin watched Jay talking to their friends. Jay's sight evoked wishes in her. Erin wanted to grab her husband and kiss him senseless. The wedding night belonged only the two of them. Zach will have a great time with Grandpa Hank for the next few days._

 _Finally, in the bedroom, they undressed each other, "played scrabble" and then cuddled in bed._

 _"Jay, you're everything to me that I've ever dreamed of. I love you and of course Zachary more than my life. It makes me happy to know that I will fall asleep with you every night and wake up with you every morning. You make me the happiest person in the world. When you asked me if I wanted to marry you, I could not believe my luck and now you are my husband and together we have a gorgeous son. I love you Jay!" Erin whispered. A single tear ran down his face. He was speechless. "I love you too, Erin. Every day I love you more and more." Jay smiled, pressing his lips to Erin's..._

* * *

He looked around the living room slowly. It was so incredibly still. He longed for his children. He missed the constant screaming, the raging or even the quarrels. From his wallet he produced a crumpled image. It showed a happy family. Father, mother, son and daughter. Gently Jay stroked over with his thumb. These three were all his pride, his life and everything was destroyed within a year. His kids were right; they had not been family for a long time. Now both are with another family. A family that will probably give them the affection and love they deserve. He had failed as a father. He was not for Erin's kids there. Nothing ever made it good again. The slap in his son´s face, the neglect of his daughter ... he did not keep his last promise to Erin...

* * *

"Toni. What are you doing here?" Jay asked as he opened the front door.

"What does it look like?" Antonio mumbled and walked into the house. "Have you ever thought of cleaning up?"

"Why should I?" Jay asked.

"Do you think the DCFS leaves the kids to you when they see a chaotic house?"

"There is no way that I get the kids back. I beat my son."

"You're not trying, Jay. It's time for you to fight for your family. Get your kids back. "Antonio took a deep breath, "Erin never wanted you guys to fall apart like that. She would be mad at you for beating Zach. But she also understands. You could not do anything about it. A bad dream can happen anytime. It was bad luck that Zach wanted to wake you up in this moment."

"It's not that easy, Toni. The kids probably hate me."

"Then it's time to take back the hearts of your children. Clean up the house, dump the alcohol and bring the kids home."

* * *

"Take food! There is pizza!" exclaimed the foster mother or whatever that woman was supposed to represent. Stormy ran a football team of children to the dining table. Zach trotted slowly behind. When he arrived, the food was already devoured by the 17 other foster children. Even Zoey did not get a pizza piece anymore. Unhappily he sat down outside the house on the steps. He did not like this family. He wants to be pulled into a hug by his mom, play soccer with his father and Uncle Will while Grandpa Hank prepares the BBQ. He wiped away his light tears with his sleeve. He did not want that all to happen. He did not want Dad to be mad at him. Slowly he ran his hand under the bandage that covered his ear. It hurt from time to time. The worst thing is when the other kids scream so loud or listen to music. Zach glanced behind him to see if anyone was watching him. To see if anyone noticed his sadness. Mom and Dad would sit next to him for a long time and tell him that he can always come to them and that they love him. After all, Zoey was sitting next to him. She also wants nothing more than to go home. Zach grabbed his sister's hand and pulled her behind him along the street…


	15. Chapter 14

**How important a home is, you become aware of when you suddenly have none.**

* * *

A stormy ringing on the door made Antonio reluctant to get up from his comfortable position with Sylvie from the couch. He moaned annoyed as he opened the front door, "What's so impor..." he paused. In front of him stood two children, which he identified as the Halstead kids.

"Hey Uncle Toni. We need a place to stay." Zach said holding his sister by the hand.

"Yeah, sure. Come in." He said almost speechless and the kids walked in.

"Hey you two." Sylvie greeted the two, who quickly put on a T-shirt of Antonio, "Do you want something to eat or are you thirsty?"

"Oh yeah. Please." both said simultaneously. Sylvie and Antonio prepare a little snack for them. They stuffed the food inside themselves, as if they were starving at any moment.

"What brings you both to me? Can we help you?" Antonio asked softly.

"We don't want to go back to our foster family. We want to stay here." Zach said.

"So you've run away?" Antonio noted.

"Please Uncle Toni. You can't tell anyone that we are here." Zach begged.

"How long do you want to stay?" Sylvie asked.

"Not long, because we want daddy," Zoey said.

"The DCFS will notice that you two are gone. I can't hide you." Antonio said.

"Please, please, please. Only until everything calms down." Zach pleaded.

"How do you imagine that? The foster family will report you missing."

"Please Toni! Please! Help us." pleaded Zoey.

"Alright, under one condition. I want you to think about what you want to do with this. Think of your dad, how he feels when he finds out that you two are gone."

"Thanks Toni." Zach said.

"Yes, thank you, Uncle Toni." smiled Zoey and gave him a hug.

"Zach. You're not entirely innocent of this thing. For the slap you couldn't, I admit. But there are always two in an argument." Antonio said, alluding to the months of conflict.

* * *

"Halstead." Antonio greeted his colleague, who stood as a regular patrolman in front of the counter and got a new task assigned.

"Hey."

"I have a letter for you." Antonio said, squeezing it into Jay's hands.

Surprised, Jay read the address, _'Detective Halstead'_ was written with a scribbled child font.

Curiously, he opened the envelope and took out a leaf.

 _'Everything we want'_ was the headline, followed by 10 claims.

* * *

 _1._ _We do not want to go to a foster family!_

 _2._ _We want a puppy!_

 _3._ _We want pancakes for breakfast!_

 _4._ We want a _pocket money increase!_

 _5._ _We do not want a fight!_

 _6._ _We do not want violence in the family!_

 _7._ _We want our old daddy back!_

 _8._ _We want to spend more time with our dad!_

 _9._ _We want you to forgive us!_

 _10._ _We want to be a family again!_

 _Only when you accept the demands, we come home! - Zoey & Zach_

* * *

Jay chuckled slightly sadly. The demands of the children were a matter of course. Platt lolled curiously at the scribbled letters. It was uncharacteristic for her, but she felt touched. She smiled with all her fascination and joy.

"Looks like you're in desperate need a few days off," Platt muttered.

Jay nodded hesitantly, "Yeah. Thanks sarge. "

"Who says I will release you?"

"I think so." Jay said.

"Whatever. An advice from me, Halstead. Take this chance. Who knows how many chances the children will give you." Platt said

"Antonio. How did you get the letter?" Jay asked irritated.

"He was given to me."

"So you met Zach?" Jay asked worriedly. Since the slap he never saw his son. He was not allowed to see him until the youth welfare office checked the circumstances. He is also not told where Zachary and Zoey were housed.

"Let's just put it this way, I was appointed liaison between you two."

"Is he okay?"

"Yes." Antonio said, and Jay nodded.

* * *

 **Flashback**

 _"Zach, what are you doing here?" Jay wondered._

 _"Trudy told me where you are." He said._

 _"Homework done?" Erin asked, raising her eyebrow._

 _"Uhm. Yes." Zach answered and stepped closer to his parents, who remained between the shooting range and the side area. Jay was putting his gun into the holder. Actually, Zach was not allowed to stay in this area._

 _"May I also shoot? Please, daddy." Zach begged. Nervously, Jay looked at Erin._

 _"I don't know, buddy." He replied._

 _"Please, Mommy. Please, Daddy." Zach begged. Jay gave in and pulled his gun._

 _"Jay." Erin said tense._

 _"One shot is okay." Jay said._

 _"Zachary is far too young to pick up a gun."_

 _"Er. We are both standing next to him."_

 _"Jay. You can't resist our rules. We have agreed that the kids don't get in_ _touch_ _with weapons."_

 _"Erin. Zach isn't criminal, just because of one shot."_

 _"Please, Mommy." Zach begged with a pout._

 _"I'm not concerned that Zach could become criminal, but that Hank forbade it."_

 _"Who are the parents of Zachary? We and I don't think a shot is tragic." Jay said._

 _"Okay. Zach, come here. Stand in front of me." Erin said._

 _Zach did as his mom said and stood in front of her while she put on her son's earmuffs and glasses._

 _"Here, put your index finger on the trigger and then you aim at the target," Erin said, "Do you have your target?" Zach nodded._

 _"If you are sure, you pull off."_

 _Zach triggered the trigger without hesitation, whereupon a loud bang filled the silence._

 _Jay put his hands on his hips as Zach removed the earmuffs._

 _"Not bad. Did you somehow secretly practice?" Jay asked._

 _Zach laughed while Erin said, "Well, our son can shoot better than you."_

 _"I practice diligently at home." Zach said and Erin ruffled her son's short brown hair._

 _"Yes, with foam guns." Jay said._

 _"Please don't forget that this is not a toy. Zachary," Erin added and Zach nodded in agreement._

 **-End of the Flashback-**


	16. Chapter 15

**A home is much more. There are people you love, feelings you share... and memories that connect you.**

* * *

"Daaaaddyyy!" Zoey shrieked with joy and ran into the waiting arms of her father. Zach was right behind her and stopped shortly before. He was unsure if he could just run into that familiar hug.

"Come here, buddy." Jay said. Zach smiled slightly and slipped into his father's protective arms.

"I'm sorry, dad. I didn't want that." Zach sniffed.

"Hey bud, I'm the one to apologize. I wasn't there for you two. Much worse, I hit you. I'm so sorry."

"I have provoked you all the time."

"Nevertheless a father doesn't hit his kids." Jay said.

"Daddy, can we stay with you?" Zoey asked anxiously. She did not want to go back. She was glad when her brother took her with him. Antonio and Sylvie take good care of her, but all she wants is her daddy.

"Of course, honey. Nobody can separate us three. I love you both so much." Jay whispered and lovingly pressed the kids to him.

"We love you more, dad." Zach said.

"A lot more." Zoey smiled.

"I want a hug, too." Sylvie sighed in the background. She and Antonio stood a bit offside, watching the heartbreaking scene.

"You even get a kiss." Antonio whispered, pulling his girlfriend into a hug.

Meanwhile, Jay lifted his daughter up into his arms. She relaxed her head on his chest.

"Bah. Adults are really disgusting." Zoey frowned.

"Your dad kissed you too." Antonio said.

"Yes, but on the cheek."

"I think we should leave them alone." Jay grinned.

"Oh no. Jay, you don't go home with your kids now. You still invite us to dinner." Sylvie laughed.

* * *

"Sylvie even took us to the fire department. They have really big cars." Zoey explained with great enthusiasm.

"Yeah? Were you also been allowed to get behind the wheel?" Jay asked curiously. It was already late, but the child just could not calm. Instead of falling asleep, 1,000 other things were much more important and interesting.

"Oh yes, and we were even allowed to climb the big ladder."

"You are allowed to do that? I am really jealous." Jay beamed. He thought it was good that Sylvie distracted the kids with a visit to the fire station while Antonio played the liaison man.

"The fire department is much better than the police, daddy." Zoey explained,

"Because they also have a firefighter dog."

"The police also have dogs."

"Yes, but not the intelligence."

"That's true. Now is bedtime. Good night, honey." He said, leaning over her forehead for a good night kiss.

"Good night daddy." Zoey said and Jay left her room. Jay realized that next to still light was burning. He gently knocked on the ajar door and slowly entered the room.

"Does it hurt a lot?" Jay asked as he saw Zach grab his hand under the bandage. He nodded slightly and Jay took a seat at the edge of the bed.

"I'm very sorry, Zachary. You really have to believe me, I didn't want to hit you. I-I had a..." Jay tried to explain when he was interrupted by his son, "I know you had a nightmare. Dad, I'm not mad at you. I'm just glad I'm home. It was terrible. I mean 17 foster siblings are really hell. I always thought Zoey was exhausting."

"So you forgive me?" Jay asked softly.

"If you forgive me? I wasn't exactly friendly to you."

"Of course I forgive you. You are an amazing boy and a fantastic big brother. I'm so proud of you."

"That happens when you have the best dad." Zach grinned slightly. Jay laughed and ruffled him through his short brown hair, "Don't overdo it."

"We're not overdoing." Zoey squeaked and jumped on Jay's lap.

"I thought you were sleeping?" Jay asked irritated.

"Are you kidding me? I had to sleep full nights without my daddy. Please may I sleep with you?" begged Zoey with big puppy eyes.

"Sure." Jay grinned and before he knew it they were lying to third in the big bed. Jay slid to the far end of the mattress. The blanket has long been out of reach, although Zoey snuggled up to him. These two little kids got really big. Jay put his arm around both children and fell asleep happily.

* * *

With the intense smell of freshly baked pancakes and hot chocolate, the children woke up.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Zach asked confused.

"What does it look like? I'm trying to toady myself in with my kids."

"There is breakfast in bed?" Zach asked bewildered.

"Of course. Move a little bit aside, so I have room again."

"But Mommy says we must not eat in bed." Zoey said.

"You know, Zoey, I'm pretty sure Mommy would make an exception." Jay said and took a deep breath, "Next time I have a bad dream, please let me sleep. I don't want to hurt you kiddos."

"But you always wake us up when we sleep badly." Zoey explained.

"I know, but if you hit me, it doesn't hurt so much."

"Alright, we'll let you sleep next time." Zach said.

Enthusiastically, the children reached for the pancakes. They ate, chatted, and then they had a pillow fight. Of course only when the tray was out of reach with food and drink.

"Dad?" Zach asked, lying next to his father after the pillow fight.

"Mh?" Jay asked.

"Do you think grandpa is still mad at me?"

"No. I think he was not even mad at you."

"And me?" Zoey asked, lying on the other side of her father.

"He's not mad at any of you." Jay said.

"Do you think I should apologize to him anyway? I was very mean to many people." Zach said softly.

"I was too. What do you think? We're having a BBQ evening with the whole family."

"Oh yes!" Zoey was happy.

"Brilliant!" Zach grinned, throwing Jay off with a pillow, demanding another pillow fight. They raged to third across the house, which Jay thoroughly cleaned up in the absence of kids.

"Fuck!" Zach shouted and stopped at the living room window.

"This one doesn't say." Zoey instructed her brother.

"We have a problem." Zach muttered, pointing out of the window at the DCFS car. Jay closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. He had completely forgotten the youth welfare office. The doorbell rang.

"Stay here. I'll handle that."

* * *

"Hello Mr. Halstead. Unfortunately we have to inform you that your children are run away this morning." Susan Winter said.

Confused, Jay stared at her. Did he hear right? The DCFS wants to kidding him now...

"You come to me three days after my kids disappear and want to tell me that they are gone today? Are you fucking seriously?"

"Mr. Halstead I think you are misinformed." she tried to talk herself out.

"I'm by no means misinformed. For me it looks as if the DCFS has nothing under control."

"That says the right one." She remarked and chuckled into the house, "You are very messy."

"That can happen from time to time."

"Yes, when children are at home. Do you know how it looks to me? You kidnapped your own children."

"That's absurd. I don't have to kidnap my kids in order for them to come home."

"You are and will remain a risk of violence towards the children."

At the same moment Zach appeared next to his dad, "Dad didn't kidnap us. We want to stay with him."

"Zachary. Your dad just is not able to take good care of you. Look around here."

"A bit messy so what? It shows that we have fun and that we are doing well here." Zach said and Jay put his hand on his son's shoulder.

"And the slap? I have to take you and your sister away from him."

"We want to stay with dad."

"Mrs. Winter. I understand that this is your job, but there are families and children out there who need your help more than we need. If the children were really at risk with me, they would not come back to me. I'm right?" Jay intervened.

"I am sorry. Rules are rules. You may be lucky if I don't report you for kidnapping." she said, "Please Zachary get your sister."

"No way! We won't come with you!" he shouted.

"Zach. I'll handle that." Jay said.

"Dad. I'm not going back. You have promised that we will stay with you."

At the same time it rumbled loudly and there was a cry. Startled, Jay looked up the stairs.


	17. Chapter 16

"Zoey!" Zach yelled and stood petrified behind his father, who knelt down to his little daughter.

"Honey? What happened? Where does it hurt you?" Jay asked worriedly and gently stroked a strand of hair from her face. Zoey lay on the floor in her room, crying.

"I-I f-fell d-down." She sobbed. Jay gently stroked her hair while looking for her injury. He took a deep breath. Meanwhile, Zach brought the stuffed animal of his sister. Zoey grabbed her dog and held him tightly in her arms.

"Zach. Get me a pair of scissors." Jay said. Immediately Zach jumped up and handed him a scissors a little later.

"Zoey. Everything will be fine." Jay soothed his crying child. He cut her trouser leg and paused. He was right with his guess. Zoey's leg was broken because a bone looked out.

"Ew." Zach pulled his face.

"Alright. Zoey. I think you have to go to the hospital." Jay said, pulling out his cell phone. Zach stayed with Zoey and chatted with her while Jay was on the phone.

"Do you know where the first aid kit is?" Jay asked. Zach nodded and sprinted off.

"Hey honey. Don't cry. Everything will be fine." Jay consoled his daughter and gently stroked her shoulder. Zach came back with the first aid kit. Jay took out a gauze bandage and covered the wound to protect it from germs.

"Did you fall off your loft bed?" Jay asked softly and Zoey nodded. The tears still flowed down her cheek. "It's half so bad, huh? I'm sure uncle Will and aunt Nat can help us." Jay whispered, wiping the tears in her face with his thumb.

"D-d-daddy s-stay with m-me." She sobbed.

"Honey. Hey. Of course I stay with you and Zach. We three belong together, huh?"

"It hurts so much." She cried.

"I know. The paramedics are on their way. They'll give you something for the pain right away. "

"They're coming." Zach said and sprinted down to the door so Sylvie and Gabby knew where to go. The social worker stood helplessly in the corner watching everything.

"Hey sweetie." Sylvie greeted the little girl, "I'll give you something for the pain."

"Wow, Jay. Are you planning to become a doctor?" Gabby joked, restraining the leg with a splint.

"Nah. I'll leave that to Will."

"Okay. We can go. You probably wanted to drive with siren, huh?" Sylvie asked grinning and the two kids nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh. Mrs. Winter, it would be nice if you could go now. I don't like having strangers in the house." Jay said and the social worker said goodbye, "You will hear from us."

The drive to the Med did not last too long. Zoey cried and still clutched her stuffed animal. Jay sat with Zoey and Gabby in the back of the ambulance, while Zach sat in the passenger seat.

* * *

"The x-rays are there. It is a simple break. Zoey will be picked up for surgery." Will said, who came to the treatment room.

"When?" Jay asked.

"In an hour."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Not for that." Will said, "Zach how's your ear."

"What did you say? I didn't hear you acoustically." Zach grinned.

"So as always." Will laughed and turned his attention to his little brother, "I didn't know that the two are back to you."

"Officially they are not." Jay smiled sadly and looked at the two. Zach tried to distract Zoey by a puzzle game.

"What do you mean?" Will asked.

"DCFS thinks dad has kidnapped us." Zach explained, "We just left our foster home because we want to stay with dad."

"What?" Will asked horrified, but understood immediately how it could come to the accident, "Zoey. Did you have a headache?"

Zoey nodded hesitantly.

"Will. What's your point?" Jay asked.

"The migraine triggered by stress. Zoey got a headache. She was dizzy and she fell off the loft bed and she landed unfavorably." Will explained and Zoey nodded slightly.

"Listen, Jay. I'll let the DCFS know that Zoey's headache was triggered by the fear of leaving you. In the hope that they can stay with you." Wil said.

Zoey's eyes were starting to tears. "I want my mommy." she cried. Helpless, the brothers looked at each other before Jay sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Honey. Everything will be alright, you hear? Once all this is over, we visit Mommy. I promise you." Jay said softly, holding her little hand.

"I want Mommy!" She screamed. Overwhelmed, Jay looked at his son and Will.

Zach sat silently in the chair at Zoey's bed. Will stood behind him and looked at Zoey sadly. It was the 5-year-old visibly too much.

"Zoey. Mom is always with us, even now." Zach said.

"Where?" Zoey sniffled and wiped her tears away with her sleeve.

"She lives on in us, so she can always be with us."

* * *

"Would you like to stay with Will and Natalie tonight?" Jay asked. They sat on the bench in the waiting room while Zoey is in surgery.

"Can't I stay with you and Zoey?" Zach asked.

"Sure."

"Dad? Promise me you'll fix it. I don't want to leave you."

"I try my best." Jay said.

"No. You should promise."

"I promise you that I'll do anything." Jay promised and carefully looked at his anxious son, "Hey. Heads up. That's just a routine operation."

"I know, but it's my fault it came to that." Zach breathed.

"There are always two to a conflict."

"That's what Toni said too."

"Well, you see." Jay winked and pulled out his phone, "I think it's time to call our secret weapon."

"Who? Grandpa?" Zach asked.

"Uh-huh." Jay mumbled and dialed the number.

Half an hour later, Hank trudged across the long white hospital corridor. "Halstead. What happened? Have you lost control?" Hank asked with a slightly angry undertone.

"Dad at least tried to bring his family back together while you did what? Hunt down criminals? You should apologize to us with a tiny little favor, don't you think?"

Hank stared with a half-open mouth at his grandson. He had not seen him, "Zachary."

"Zoey had an accident. She fell off the loft bed and now her leg is broken. But that's why you're not here. You should talk to the DCFS and make them understand that dad didn't kidnap us." Zach explained.

"Are you serious?" Hank asked shocked.

"Do I look like I'm kidding? You have to help us. We want to stay with dad. You should put in a good word. By the way Dad needs his old job back. In addition you forbid him to do much overtime and he should be off on weekends."

"Wow. You're tough." Voight wrinkled.

"I have that from mom."

Hank stood stunned in front of the two Halstead men and smiled slightly, "Well. I'll see what I can do, boss."

Jay sat next to his boy, marveling at his tone towards Hank. Meanwhile, Zach burst into great laughter, "You guys need to see your faces."

* * *

The surgery went perfectly. Zoey lay tired in a nicely decorated hospital room. Her dad and her big brother were at her side. While Jay sat at the edge of her bed, Zach played around with her crutches.

"Hello. Someone woke up." Hank smiled and sat down on the other side of the bed, "How are you, kiddo?"

"Great." Zoey beamed.

"Did you fulfill your mission?" Zach asked curiously.

"Yes, boss. Mrs. Winter actually reported your dad for kidnapping. Unfortunately, you shouldn't mess with me. She reported you missing after three days. That isn't how it works. So I teamed up with your uncle and dug up some dirty things about her."

"So we can stay with Dad?" Zach asked happily.

"Of course." Hank grinned.

"Yeah!" Zoey cheered and Zach fell thankfully over his grandpa's neck.

"Not so stormy little man. Part of the order is still missing." Hank took a breath, "Jay. Intelligence urgently needs a good detective."

"Thank you." Jay whispered, grinning.


	18. Chapter 17

Jay took a deep breath as he parked. Since the funeral of his beloved wife, he has not been to the cemetery. He promised his kids. Zoey painted a picture for Mommy, which he laminated. The picture showed a small family. Father, mother, son and daughter. They were standing in front of a house. The sun was shining, the flowers blossomed, and a bright star was shining. In bright colors shone the words: _For the best mommy in the world! We love you!_

"Daddy can you carry me, please?" Zoey asked, stretching out her small arms. Jay picked up his little one. Running with crutches was not fun at all and what else do you have a strong dad for? Together, they approached the gravestone.

 **'Erin Lindsay Halstead - Beloved Daughter, Wife and Mother'** was engraved in the tombstone.

Luckily the sun was shining and the ground was dry so Zoey could sit down in the grass. Zoey put the picture in front of the stone and Zach put down the flowers next to it.

* * *

 _The first marriage quarrel between Jay and Erin is about the first word of the almost one-year-old Zoey._

 _"She will say mama! How many times should I tell you that?!" Erin hissed at her husband. Zoey squeaked in her lap as Erin began to rock her legs._

 _"She will say Daddy." Jay said, giving his fiancée an extremely angry look. "Or at least something like that. Don't you, Zoey? You are Daddy's little girl."_

 _"Ph. Zoey, honey. It's enough if you notice mama." Erin said and pressed a kiss on the forehead of her little girl. Baby Zoey apparently found the situation hilarious as she chuckled and clapped her hands while her parents had a rather heated discussion about her first word._

 _"What was my first word?" Zach asked curiously and looked up from his toy car._

 _"Mama," Erin reported proudly, beaming over both ears to the annoyance of Jay._

 _Hank came by for dinner in the evening. He loves to spend time with his grandchildren. Zachary likes to play a role play. Often Jay or Hank had to play with him. Again and again, Zach emphasized that when he grows up he also wants to be a cop like his daddy._

 _"Grandpa Hank, you're arrested!" Zach chuckled, playing with the child's handcuffs in his hand._

 _"Ganpa." Zoey pleaded with her brother's words. Shocked, the young parents looked at each other._

 _"Great done Hank! Her first word was to become mama." Erin hissed at her father figure._

 _"You mean daddy." Jay improved his wife._

 _"Zachary did..." Hank wanted to save himself, but Erin was in a mad mood, "Oh no, Hank. Don't blame Zachary."_

 _"Erin. Stay calm. She'll scream for you often enough." Hank laughed._

 _"The first word is something very special Hank. It strengthens the relationship." Erin explained_

 _"That's why I feel honored by the little lady." Hank smiled and took the little Zoey on his lap._

* * *

Jay chuckled slightly at the memory. My god they had quarreled then only because of Zoey first word. In the end it was quite good that the little princess decided to dedicate her first word to her grandpa.

"I miss you, Mommy." Zoey mumbled, wiping away her tears.

"Mommy would be so proud of you two. You're really the best thing that ever happened to us." Jay smiled and kissed Zoey's cheek. He ruffled his son's short hair. The two giggled.

"It's time to go." Jay whispered. He did not look at his watch, but the fact that it was starting to dawn made him realize that they were here for at least an hour, if not longer.

"I want to stay with mommy." Zoey sniffed.

"Honey. We can come here more often, if you like."

Gently, she nodded and turned to the gravestone to say goodbye, "I love you mommy."

* * *

A few weeks passed. Zoey's leg was healed and normal family life without Erin took shape.

"Zachary. Please remember..." Jay said and was interrupted by his son, "Don't frighten any more Nannys. I promise you."

"Then everything is fine." Jay grinned and put his coffee cup into the sink.

"Are you there on time tonight?" Zach asked curiously.

"Sure. We'll watch the game together."

"Great."

In the afternoon, the new Nanny was traveling with the kids to a park. She was checked several times by Jay. Once again, he does not let strangers take care of his children.

"Ah, cute a puppy!" Zoey shouted enthusiastically and ran to a small dog, who lay alone under a dirty bank.

"He is so small." Zoey mumbled, hugging the dog to her.

"You are alone. Don't you have a home?" Zach asked, stroking the black dog.

"Who owns the dog?" Zoey asked.

"Looks like he's a stray." the nanny said.

"Then we'll take him with us." Zach said beaming. The dog had no collar and no brand. Without difficulty, Zach took the dog in his arms.

"I do not think your father agrees." The nanny tried to dissuade the children from the idea.

"He promised us a dog." Zoey said, pouting, "Please."

"Whatever. It's not my problem. "

"Thanks!" the kids grinned. Of course they are not stupid. They hid the puppy in a cozy corner in the basement.

* * *

"I thought we wanted to watch the Blackhawks game together." Jay said, sitting in front of the TV with a beer in his hand. He watched Zach walking between the living room, the kitchen, the store room, and the basement.

"Are you okay?" Jay asked wonderingly. This behavior was foreign to him.

"Everything's fine." Zach grinned and sat down next to his dad.

"What's there to see in the basement so interesting, huh?" Jay asked his daughter, who wanted to sneak into the cellar again.

"The atmosphere is nice." Zach answered, but Jay was already getting up to see for himself. Zoey quickly ran down the stairs and hid the little dog in a backpack.

"See, dad here is nothing. We only played a game." Zach said and took the backpack from Zoey.

"Something you hide from me." Jay said and at the same moment the backpack yelped briefly. Immediately did Zoey like she was coughing.

"What was that?" Jay asked curiously.

"Zoey coughed." Zach explained.

"It sounded more like a yelp."

"Dad. You already drank beer. It's logical that brain cells don't work that way anymore."

"Are you serious? You're not drunk because of one beer."

"You also have to take your age into consideration." Zach winked cheekily.

"I agree. Daddy, you are very old." Zoey said.

"Thanks honey for the wonderful compliment." Jay smiled sarcastically, "The other day I even discovered my first gray hair."

"Then I would think about it." Zach giggled.

"I'm tired." Zoey faked a yawn, grabbed the backpack in a flash and ran into her room.

"I'll find out what it is." Jay whispered to his son as he passed.


	19. Chapter 18

Together they sat at breakfast. The kids turned on very skillfully. For 2 days they hid professionally a puppy.

"I would be grateful if you could clean up the living room." Jay said.

"I thought we are hosting the BBQ outside." Zach mumbled with his mouth full.

"First of all we don't talk with a full mouth. Secondly, we are hosting it outside. Third, the living room should be cleaned up anyway."

"Sure thing." Zach grinned.

A yelp disturbed the peaceful conversation.

"I'm pretty sure Zoey didn't cough this time." Jay said.

"I think the neighbors have a new dog." Zach explained.

"You don't mean the neighbors who are allergic, huh?" Jay questioned suspiciously.

"There are dogs for allergy sufferers." Zach explained.

"I'm still pretty sure that sound came from our basement." Jay wondered.

"In old age, hearing is diminishing rapidly."

"Yeah. I already understood the first time that I am old." Jay said, getting up to look. Zoey scurried in front of her dad and blocked his way to the cellar, "Stop it, please!" she said in the cute voice of a 5-year-old.

Jay laughed and started a tickle attack. Zoey shrieked and even Zach did not stand a chance against his father. The moment Jay opened the door to the cellar, a small dog jumped towards them. Jay took a deep breath, running a hand through his face, studying his two children. "Can I get an explanation?"

"Wow. Thank you daddy for the dog!" Zach exclaimed beaming

"Thanks Daddy." Zoey grinned and stroked the puppy, "You're really the best. I've always wanted a puppy."

"Zachary. Out with it." Jay said.

"He has no home." Zoey explained.

"And now you bring dogs with you? Maybe the next time you bring a cat or a squirrel and we open a zoo." Jay said.

"Oh yeah! We're going to buy a zoo!" Zoey shouted, happily.

"Please, daddy. You promised us a dog." Zach said, "And we have your signature under the claim."

"The fact is that somebody certainly misses this dog. The dog comes to the shelter."

"And if nobody really misses the dog?" Zach asked

"The shelter is looking for the owners and if there is none ..."

"Then the dog stays here!" Zoey squealed enthusiastically

"Let's see." Jay winked.

"Oh please daddy. You can't say no to such a cute dog," begged Zoey and Jay nodded.

* * *

There was so much life in Halstead Garden as it hadn't been for a long time. It really came all who were invited. Antonio with Sylvie, Ruzek and Kim with their little daughter, Al, Atwater, Trudy and Mouch, Will with Natalie and the 2 sons and of course Hank.

The children played, the adults chatted and Hank Voight stand on the grill. That was his condition to come. He personally wanted to grill the BBQ. Everyone brought a snack to eat or drink, so there was something for everyone. There was steak, pretzels, fanta, beer, potato salad and cheese sandwiches.

* * *

To escape the stressful Christmas rush in Chicago, Jay took his children to the family cabin in North Wisconsin. The powder-white snow was high enough to build a snowman or an igloo. The children enjoyed the quiet nature, made snowball fights or warmed up by a hot chocolate in front of the fireplace.

Zoey sat on the kitchen counter and helped her dad mix the dough for the cookies. She remembered the funny flour battle 2 years ago. It was her last Christmas with Mommy. She took a handful of flour and clapped it her dad directly in the face.

"You think that's funny, huh?" Jay grinned, opening an egg over her head. Zoey giggled and threw her dad off with a fresh load of flour. Shortly thereafter, a wild flour battle had broken out. Zach hurried to help his sister and jumped on Jay's back.

"Let's go, Zoey!" He demanded while keeping his hands in front of his father's eyes. Jay tried to fight back with a tickle attack against his son's grasp. Zoey grinned and smeared the butter in Jay's face.

"Honey. Your brother looks very clean, don't you think?" Jay grinned and immediately Zach was targeted. In the end they all lay exhausted on the white kitchen floor. Zoey sat victoriously on Jay's stomach and beamed, "We won, Zach."

"The winners are allowed to clean." Jay grinned and poked Zoey to the side. She squeaks for a moment before lying on her father and resting her head on his chest. Gently, Jay ruffled her through her long hair.

"You're comfortable," she muttered. Jay laughed, "As a baby, you could sleep best if Mommy or I put you on our chest."

"Really?"

"Yeah, otherwise you always howled."

"I never want to grow up. I don't want to get older than ... 10 years." Zoey muttered.

"But Zoey. Think about it well. That would mean that you are only allowed to celebrate your birthday 5 times." Zach said, patting the dog.

"Or not." Zoey said quickly.

"Zachary, did you have to destroy the beautiful moment?" Jay asked with a grin.

Very early the next morning the siblings were awake, after all it was Christmas Day. Highly motivated, they opened their gifts in record time. _Santa Claus_ brought them everything they wished. A dollhouse for Zoey, a Lego set for Zach, even the dog got a toy.

"Daddy. We also have a present for you." Zoey grinned proudly while Zach handed his father a very thin gift. Curiously, Jay opened the envelope. He was greeted by a family portrait, on which back stood...

 ** _Dear daddy,_**

 ** _Thank you for every day you helped us get up again._**

 ** _Thank you for being completely honest with us and for always to give courage to us._**

 ** _Thank you for showing us again and again what really matters in life and reminding us not to let us get trivialized._**

 ** _Thank you for making us laugh with your sayings again and again._**

 ** _YOU ARE OUR SUPERHERO!_**

 ** _Zoey & Zach_**

Overwhelmed, Jay read the last line several times before looking at his children. A small tear stole from his eyes.

"Don't you like it?" Zoey asked disappointed.

"It's awesome." Jay stuttered. He was speechless with the beautiful gift. Zach first picked himself up from his place on the ground and jumped on the couch next to his father to cuddle up to him. Zoey grinned joyfully and jumped to the other side.

"I love you kiddos." Jay whispered, hugging both lovingly.

"We love you more." they smiled.

Their life changed slowly. Erin is no longer the first thing they think about. And when they remember the time together, they are no longer feeling that stinging pain in their hearts, reminding them of what they have lost. In the brightest moments they are even happy. Happy with all the little things that show them that they have not lost the joy of life. The pain of parting is slowly being replaced by the feeling of having known and loved someone who has never quite left them. They are happy to have met such a wonderful person. They are a family and Erin will always be a part of them - a living memory in each one.

 **The End.**


	20. The End

Hey!

So, that was the story. You are welcome to read my other stories.

 **Silent Screams:** Jay Halstead's son is missing. What happened to him and will Jay find him in time? (Linstead is a fresh couple)

 **Police, your friend and father:** 14 years after the fith season. Jay dealt with an unplanned consequence of an old undercover case. (Linstead Fic)


End file.
